Love for our siblings

A few years ago, I was supposed to meet with a family to plan the funeral for their family's elderly patriarch. One of his four children called me and said, "You'll have to meet with us all separately. We cannot even stand to be in the same room together." My mind was reeling over what could possibly be the cause of such a traumatic level of division. The answer: Money. The four siblings had disagreed over the handling of a family property and had not spoken to one another in 15 years. There is very little more tragic to me than the fracturing of siblings' relationships with one another. My sister and brother are some of the most important people in my life.

Whitney, my sister, turns 30 this weekend. She works as a social studies teacher at Cape Girardeau Central High School. Whitney has one of those sweet personalities where she never meets a stranger. If you run errands with her, you need to be prepared for her to ask for the life story of every cashier and waiter that you will encounter. From Whitney I continue to learn about what it means to be a naturally warm person who is consistently kind to all I meet.

My brother Caleb and I were mistaken for twins during our early years. While we physically looked alike, we could not be more different in personality. Caleb is much more introverted than I am (he actually thinks through what he is going to say!). He and his partner Richie live in Seattle where Caleb teaches college writing. Caleb has no tolerance for fakeness or inauthenticity and his own writing is honest and brave. There has never been a problem in my life that was not improved after having receiving advice from my brother.

When the writers of the New Testament were instructing the early Christians on how they should treat one another, they appealed to the sibling relationship: "If anyone says, 'I love God' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen" (1 John 4:20). In fact, cultural critics of the early church accused them of being "incestuous" because they referred to one another as "Sister" and "Brother."

In Jeffrey Kluger's book "The Sibling Effect," he explores the relationships that we have with our siblings. In the book, Kluger says we are eternally attached to our siblings because (even more than our parents) they are the people from whom we have learned how to manage relationships and resolve conflicts. There is also a lot of evidence that people who remain relationally close with their siblings live more fulfilled lives.

My own family now mirrors the family I grew up in. In my childhood home there was Tyler, Caleb and Whitney and in my household today there is Henry, Owen and Charlotte. One of my deepest prayers is that my three children will love their siblings as much as I love mine.