McCarter publishes book for grieving mothers

After experiencing a personal tragedy of her own, one Missouri woman chose to reach out to others to share their stories in an anthology designed to help people move through the grieving process and on to healing.

Melissa Miles McCarter of Ironton, Mo., lost her five-week-old daughter in 2003 to sudden infant death syndrome -- commonly referred to as SIDS. She said she attempted to look for stories of others who had experienced similar tragedies to cope with her loss. She found, however, that such stories were hard to find.

Three years ago, McCarter decided to change her approach. Rather than search for the stories, she put out an online call for people to submit stories to her.

"I'm an academic by training," she said. "So I knew where I could ask for papers through different lists online ... so I put the call out and people saw it and told other people about it as well."

Initially, she said, she was searching specifically for stories similar to her own, shared by women who had experienced loss through SIDS, miscarriages or infertility.

McCarter's book can be purchased and donations can be made at donatejoy.org. (Submitted)

As word of her search began to spread, however, McCarter received a much broader scope of stories.

"I began receiving stories of all these different types of loss: disability, illness, adoption, even difficult relationships between parents and their children," she said. "This was a much wider perspective on loss than I originally had planned, but still it was all about trying to understand loss from the motherhood perspective."

By the time she began selecting and editing stories for her anthology, titled "Joy Interrupted: An Anthology on Motherhood and Loss," McCarter had received submissions from more than 100 people, representing at least 20 states and multiple countries.

She said she was not intentionally seeking stories on an international scale, but said she feels their addition enriched the book.

"I found the pieces from different countries interesting because they had a different perspective on loss," said McCarter. "They had different cultures, different aesthetics and different relationships, too. But at the same time, there was also a lot of similarities in their stories."

She said the book is not a typical anthology and is not for one audience. With its international perspective and broad range in writing styles, McCarter said it is a useful tool for anyone coping with loss.

Even before its May publication, she said the book had reached No. 1 on Amazon's grief and bereavement list. Now, McCarter is trying to continue spreading the word about her book to make sure it reaches those who may need it the most.

"It was sort of an uphill battle even [publishing the book], because grieving is taboo in our culture and not a fun topic," she said. "People said 'Well, I don't want to read something that's just going to make me feel sad.' So I had to explain that it's a healing book, not a sad book. It can be cathartic ..."

Most people who are grieving over a loss are not necessarily looking for books to help them, McCarter said, so she has been working with support networks to make the book more available.

In Missouri, she has made donations of books to Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death -- M.E.N.D. -- which is based in Texas but has a support group in Springfield. This fall, she also will set up a reading and bring books to a SIDS resources group in St. Louis.

She said working with these groups is important to her because she knows how important support can be after experiencing a tragedy.

"I had one of my contributors tell me, 'I wish I'd had this book after my miscarriage,'" said McCarter. "That just made me think, 'How can I get this out there to the people that aren't looking for it on Amazon?'"

McCarter also donates or sells at a discounted price books to individuals who seek her. So far, she said she has received enough donations to continue giving books to those who request them, and hopes she will continue to do so in the future.

While "Joy, Interrupted" evolved into a different book than she originally envisioned, McCarter said she believes the book has "done what I think it should do."

"Sometimes you get things you need, even though it's not what you asked for," she said. "I'm pleased with that.

Book purchases and donations may be made at donatejoy.org

srinehart@semissourian.com

388-3641

Pertinent address:

Ironton, Mo.