NEWS FROM AROUND THE GLOBE: HAVE YOU CHOKED YOUR BOSS TODAY?

After the Latrell Sprewell arbitration ruling it is now okay to choke you boss. So go ahead wrap your hands around their neck and go to town.

One note of caution, though, hunting your boss down and shooting the unfortunate paper pushers was not addressed in the recent ruling.

But should some NBA star decide to raise the bar to shooting their boss then the legality might change. But for now let's review: choking okay -- shooting still bad.

Moving on...

With the recent apology by "journalist" David Brock for his Clinton sex scandal stories that he now says aren't to be believed because his sources weren't any good, I've decided I should come clean about some less than savory sources I've used in the past.

So let us travel back to 1982, I was in the fifth grade at an elementary school in Mayfield, Ky., and I was the proud owner and editor of "The Times." It was a publication at my school, owned and operated by me and some friends.

This has been gnawing at me for sometime. When I said Miss Blanchard had the cooties in a scathing editorial to expose the evil fourth grade teacher, I was going on hearsay from some kids in detention.

Those medical records we ran that proved our contention of her unfortunate cooties were created in an after school art class for advanced students.

I would also be lacking if I failed to say I'm sorry for the three part series entitled "Miss Blanchard's hearing aid can be turned off by most garage door remotes."

I'm also sorry for breaking up the best fifth grade couple Billy and Mary with the story, "Billy would rather kiss a frog, Mary."

And I erred when I ran the front page article "Billy picks his nose then eats it," I was going on the word of his ex-girlfriend Mary who had just broken up with him. I'm sorry about that Billy.

And later when I ran the follow-up story "I broke up with Mary because she ate my boogers," I was acting on a tip from Billy. I now see how that was unfair to Mary.

And I also see that when I tried to right the wrongs of the editorial about Miss Blanchard, I see how it further hurt her reputation when I ran the headline, "Miss Blanchard has recovered from a year long bout with the cooties." I'm real sorry Miss Blanchard.

But I am not prepared at this time to take back the ground breaking story "Cafeteria milk or mind controlling agent?" I'm sticking with my sources on that one.

Nor will I take back, "Teacher's union has a controlling interest in No. 2 pencils," and "Statewide testing nothing but graft and kickbacks for teacher's union."

And I'm also not taking back the story, "Sam wet himself because Miss Blanchard wouldn't excuse him from class."

Nor will I take back the stories, "Science Fair or military industrial complex function?" and "Detention average daily attendance means more tax dollars for the district."

Enough of that, let's move on...

From the Moscow Times, a fishing company is paying its employees in vodka. And in other news Boris Yeltsin has resigned as president and has decided to live out the remainder of his days as a fisherman. (You saw that joke coming down Main Street didn't you?)

In other political news, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) recently asked why Congress would want to take away an American citizen's right to influence politicians in an effort to defeat campaign finance reform.

Well, Mitch, while there are probably a whole bunch of people named Philip Morris who work hard all day and would love to influence members of Congress, they ain't the Philip Morris stuffing Congress' pockets.

And I leave you with this headline from the Press On-Line in New Zealand that pretty much captures life in a nutshell, "Dam costs mount." Goodbye.