After the shocking news of the dismissal of the Paula Jones case the president was feeling very good about his second term, but the elation he and his staff shared soon turned to a siege mentality when...

During a press conference in Botswana, Hillary Clinton claimed that she too had consensual sex with the president when he was the governor of Arkansas.

The statement put Kenneth Starr on the war path and the White House on the defensive.

Another shocking development-- the president's once rock solid approval rating has fallen to an all time low of 11 percent with the news of Hillary and Bill in the sack.

In an effort to boost the president's ratings, the White House has asked that all women who have had sex with the president or been groped by him to come forward.

In a written statement for the press, Starr stated that "this new development is an outrage. The American people demand to know why a man would have sex with his own wife. Especially since he seems to be able to have any woman in the world."

"And has," a White House spokesperson said in response to Starr's statement.

President Clinton told a press conference later in Senegal that he, "never had sex with that woman."

While frantically pointing to the crowd gathered, he added that he had been sexually involved with that woman and that woman and that one over there and those two in row G and ...

The White House immediately sent tapes of the press conference to all the major news networks and all the trash magazine shows whose audiences, coincidentally, hold the largest percentage of Clinton supporters.

In what seems to be a Republican response to all the sexual hype in the media, Wilt Chamberlain has been chosen as the next Republican candidate for president. Rumor has it that the artist formerly known as Prince will be his running mate.

Republican spinsters are already sending out trial balloon slogans such as: "We wanna be your lover -- err, president," and "We're gonna party like it's 1999," and "Wilt's got 20,000 reasons to vote for him."

Prince has said that he will change the name of Washington, D.C., to "Erotic City," or to some stupid sign no one can pronounce.

To counteract the Republican response Al Gore's 2000 slogan will be, "Looking for Love in all the wrong places." Not to be outdone Rep. Dick Gephardt unveiled his slogan for 2000, "There must be 50 ways to leave your lover."

To which Clinton scoffed, "50 ways, please... amateur."

Proving once again that he is no longer in touch with voters, Ross Perot will run with the slogan, "Video Killed the Radio Star." Leo Sayer is reportedly his first choice for a running mate.