NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD: CONFESSIONS OF BEANY BABY JUNKY

(This is the story of Beulah Dee and her Beanie Baby habit that took over her life. The names have been changed to protect the innocent)

At first, I said to myself, "hey that's cute I'll buy one." Then I noticed all the other people buying one and I realized what if this is the last chance I have to purchase a Beanie Baby.

Then I splurged, I'm not proud of it, but I had to buy as many as I could get my hands on. So I grabbed 23 and rushed to the counter.

A few weeks passed and I had already bought 65 more, but the local stores were mostly empty so I began buying the Beanie Babies off the Internet.

At first, I was paying between $25 to $50 for each one. Then later, I was paying $300 to $500 for each one. I didn't care, my credit cards needed the exercise.

Soon my husband discovered the bills and canceled the Internet service and he told me I had a problem and I had to stop. I knew what I had to do now---ignore my husband.

So one day after work I spotted more Beanie Babies. I stopped, you never know how long these fads are going to last. I mean look what happened to Cabbage Patch dolls, Tickle Me Elmo, Milli Vanilli, Pepsi Clear and L.A. Beer.

So there was this large pile of people and they were buying up all the Beanie Babies. Then suddenly a small child fell beneath the crowd and I saw my opportunity. I stepped on that child's hand and I grabbed as many Beanie Babies as I could.

This time I grabbed 11. I noticed a lady next to me and I thought she might be angry at me for stepping on her child. But just as that thought occurred to me she said to her screaming kid, "shut up it'll grow back you baby!" I knew me and that lady were alright.

As I was leaving the store I heard the child say "I just want a Barbie---please can I have a Barbie!" "Shut up you brat! You'll get a Beanie Baby and you'll like it," her mother screamed back. As I reached the door I heard the kid sob "Mommy Noooooo!!!"

Well out the door and back in the car I heard on the radio that there was a sale on Beanie Babies two counties north. But I had to pick up my children from soccer practice, but then again we have been meaning to give them a lesson in independence.

So I drove on, but when I got there the Beanie Baby display was empty. So I pleaded with the manager to tell me when the next shipment would come in. Finally I shook the information out of him. Next Friday at 12:30 p.m.

So back in my car, I drove home. The kids weren't there, they were still at the soccer park. It was now dark, but just as I was about to get back in the car to pick up the kids, I realized that the kids might want to play with my new Beanie Babies. So I hid them in a place where no one would ever look--under the downstairs's toilet lid.

Of course, I wrapped them in large freezer bags. Then I went to pick up the kids, but they weren't at the park.

There was a note saying they'd been kidnapped. For a second, I was worried about my kids. Then I realized if someone would kidnap my kids then what would be the fate of my Beanie Babies?

I had to rush home. I had to check under the toilet lid. The kids are just going to have to wait. I'm sure they're with one of those nice kidnappers like they portray in those light-hearted Hollywood comedies. So I convinced myself that Judge Reinhold had my kids.

Then it hit me, like an abusive husband after 20 beers! One hiding place isn't going to be enough to keep my Beanie Babies safe. I'm going to have to hide these precious toys in various spots and keep a rotation throughout the day.

Realizing the magnitude of this new plan, I quit my job. I would have to be at home at all times, except next Friday at 12:30 p.m.

Well, while moving my Beanie Babies to a second secret hiding place, Muffy, my pure bred champion retriever, grabbed one of my precious Beanie Babies and ran through the dog door out back.

In horror, I screamed--AAHH!!! Muffy ripped the head off my Beanie Baby.

I watched in horror as the life giving beans poured out of the now lifeless corpse.

I knew what I had to do. I packed up my Beanie Babies and Muffy and we drove down to the Humane Society. Muffy was on death row.

Back home, the kids were still missing, but I had my Beanie Babies. Quickly I grew tired of the ones I had and I searched the classifieds for Beanie Baby ads.

I found one, but they weren't home. I knew what I had to do. I had to burglarize their home.

I busted the glass and I was in. Unfortunately, I'm not a trained burglar and I turned on some lights and apparently (according to the police report) I had tripped a silent alarm.

I had just grabbed up the 15 Beanie Babies (hidden under the toilet lid in the downstairs's bathroom) when I noticed a flashing light.

I said to myself, "Cheese it, it's the fuzz!"

Well, after I was processed I remembered that my kids had been kidnapped. "Hey, officer my kids were kidnapped this afternoon," I said. "You'd better check Judge Reinhold's house," I said.

The officer smiled and said, "boy, you've got it bad. My wife had your same problem. Ma'am your husband has your children. He just called because he saw the classified ad circled and he feared you'd do something like this."

Later, I was arraigned and they set my trial date for next Friday at 11 a.m. That was okay with me as long as I could get a change of venue to the town two counties north.

Never in my life had I ever needed the full capacity of my faculties as this. How was I going to finish my trial before 12:30 p.m. and get a change of venue to the town two counties north.

I know I'll plead insanity, no then they might want to schedule a competency hearing for 12:30 p.m. Well I decided to plead innocent. Luckily, I was granted a change of venue, because the judge had a Beanie Baby problem as well.

My story was that I was saving their Beanie Babies from a kidnapper. The trial was going longer than I'd expected it would when out of the blue the judge saw it was 12:15 p.m. and he ordered a recess for lunch.

Out the courthouse door I went to the store only to discover UPS was on strike and the shipment was delayed indefinitely. I grew pale, what had my life become?

After six months of detox, I realized that Beanie Babies were as addictive as methamphetamine.

My life is getting back to normal now. Oh, I still get the shakes when I see a Beanie Baby auction or trade show coming to town, but now that they've attached this tracking device to my neck I can't get half way down the block before the police pick me up.