POWER PLAY: FORGET THE FORECAST, LOOK OUT THE WINDOW

Virtually all the carbon-based lifeforms on this third stone from the sun -- to borrow a phrase from Jimi Hendrix -- spend an awful lot of time pondering the weather.

Weather, of course, is all around us. Unless you live in some cave deep in the bowels of the Earth, it is inescapable. Even then, without the benefit of an expensive designer cave with all the modern amenities, it still probably gets rather damp when it rains.

One can pardon non-human critters for excessive concern about conditions. Since they lack tool-making skills, the knack for interior decorating and the collateral to swing a home loan from even the most easygoing loan officer in order to build a really nice, comfortable cave in which to sit and play video games on nasty days, for them weather is a life or death issue.

Humans, however, should have gotten beyond such obsession shortly after the advent of central heating and air conditioning.

Sure, at one time weather played a more serious role in everyday life. Literature is replete with weather-related stories such as sailors in fragile wooden ships riding out vicious storms on the high seas or lovers so moved by a pastoral spring afternoon that they feel compelled to pop inside for a few hours.

Of course, in the olden days the average person didn't have a whole lot else to talk about. Conversations usually remained limited to simple concerns such as "When will we eat?," "What will we eat?," and "Do we need to bring an umbrella on our picnic?"

The modern world, however, provides much more interesting subjects about which to chatter inanely such as fashion, politics or, to combine the two, Hillary Clinton's latest hair style.

But even with important issues weighing on our minds like whether Coolio will topple Alanis Morrisette from the No. 1 position on the MTV Top 20 Countdown, people still seem overly preoccupied with weather.

This is puzzling because weather-related discourse is usually rather dull and focuses on the obvious such as "Raining hard, isn't it?," "It sure is a nice day" or "That was an exceptionally large piece of hail that just knocked your grandmother unconscious."

Our fine local television newscast is particularly adept at taking weather coverage to the extreme, and not just coverage of extreme weather.

Every time it so much as sprinkles lightly in Bloomfield or some other far-flung outpost of the realm, the station's Weather Dude is on the phone with one of his many Weather Watchers with a live report on conditions.

These conversations usually go something like this:

Weather Dude: "So, Earl, we understand you're experiencing some light precipitation in the area." ("Experiencing precipitation" is fancy Weather Dude speak for "it's wet out.")

Weather Watcher: "Yup."

Weather Dude: "Thanks for calling, Earl."

Weather Watcher: "Sure."

Of course, not all of these wonderfully informative little updates go exactly as just described. Sometimes the Weather Watcher's name is something other than Earl.

Considering the amount of each newscast dedicated to weather coverage, it would be no surprise if they went to a nearly all-weather format, perhaps ending with a short bit on everything else to appease the dozen or so viewers interested in news.

The Anchor Dude could end thusly: "In non-weather related stories today -- not that such matters are really important -- aliens landed in Dublin and demanded Irish authorities turn over 2 billion gallons of Guiness; the Walt Disney Co. completed its purchase of the U.S. government; and Michael Jackson revealed that he is actually Glenda the Good Witch of the North.

"Now to the CBS Evening News with Dan 'We Don't Report Much on Weather' Rather. We'll be back at 6, with the next segment of our controversial series: 'Celsius -- Will It Really Replace Fahrenheit?'"

Such a shift might be good for our fine local station considering the trouble it gets into whenever it attempts to report hard news.

Take, for example, its recent investigative series "Local High School Students are Stupid."

Many area students felt insulted by the report and much debate concerning its accuracy followed. The station should definitely feel ashamed for picking such an easy target -- making teen-agers feel inferior is like shooting rabbits in a hutch.

Weather reporting poses far fewer difficulties -- it's either too hot, too cold or just right; it's either raining or it isn't

And Mother Nature never calls the station to complain.

Marc Powers is member of the Southeast Missourian news staff.