Precise directions by Grandma

Unless well acquainted with all the back roads and where to ford the creeks and river, one would have a difficult time finding our early farm home. Grandma was always willing to give precise directions.

When Aunt Lydia called, said she was coming to visit us, and needed a reminder as to how to get there, Grandma was more than willing to be helpful.

"Liddy," Grandma said, "hit's been a spell. Ifen you live where you did, go over to the Big Road and turn right -- wait a minute -- yes, that's right. I mean, turn right.

"Highway number? I don't know nothin bout that. Hit's just the Big Road. Everybody knows that.

"Be sure to get a tank full of gasoline cause you've got some steep mountains to cross. 'Less you have a full tank, you might have to turn around so the gasoline will swish forard. Put water in the raider too. Once you're on the Big Road just go and go 'til you're real tired. Look way ahead and you'll see them there things that look like white hills. They're the chat dumps. Two big ones on your ri

, I mean le--, no ri

. One on your left. Try not to sneeze. It might cause an avalunch.

"When you git through, look down a ways and you'll see a big thing that looks like hits right in the middle of the road. Hits a big burr oak.

"Liddy, do you know about big burr oak acorns? They're so pretty. They have a little peak that looks like a nose. There is a brushy ring around the 'face' that looks like a fur parka. I keep a blue crock of 'em sittin' on my liberry table.

"When you get to the oak tree you'll see that the Big Road builders bent out around hit.

"Well, at the burr oak you turn -- right and go past three fields and a creek. On your left a steak and riter fence begins and goes on for about half a mile and ends like hit begins. Anything can get in or out around this funny fence. Some people have taken away the top rail. I took one once myself just to see what I could do with hit. Laid hit down by the outside wash kettle. Maybe I could burn hit under the kettle and, for once, git the clothes really white. But I never did. I could have killed a blacksnake with hit. Just hit hit in the head.

"Why do I say hit? Well, Liddy, hit's a good word. You know -- he, she and hit. That's what we called hit where I come from. You know, the Blue Ridge

. Lit? Liddy? Lydia?

"If she gits lost that'll be her fault for hangin up on me like that. Let's see, I left her at that pecular fence."

REJOICE!

Jean Bell Mosley is an author and longtime resident of Cape Girardeau.