My new best friend lives in the White House

It's official, and I have proof.

This is NOT fake news.

Not that I had any doubt, but it's awfully good to see it in black and white.

I am, according to supporting documents delivered by the United Sates Postal Service, an official friend of Donald J. Trump, president of the United States of America.

You can imagine my surprise when I received this letter, embossed with President Trump's very own signature. That's how I know it's official.

Now, some of you may be saying, "Joe, I didn't think you were a Trump supporter."

I'm not. But neither am I a Trump detractor. I certainly am not advocating for the current president's failure, which was the tactic of many conservatives when Barack Obama was first elected.

But I had no idea I was President Trump's friend.

Not a pal. Not a compatriot. Not a buddy. Certainly not an amigo.

A friend.

And some of you may be saying, "Joe, don't you think the president is just a bit off kilter, maybe even certifiably goofy?"

No. I think President Trump is exactly who he claimed to be in the run-up to his election, and he is exactly who he said he would be if he occupied the White House.

Let me break it down this way:

For as long as I can personally remember, candidates of every stripe have promised big changes in the way government is run, if elected. Of course, that's not what the candidates intended to really do, if elected. What they really intended to do is more of the same, because that's how you get re-elected. And getting re-elected, staying in office, getting a nice salary along with a comprehensive health plan (including pre-existing conditions) and a super retirement package is what the game is all about.

Meanwhile, the news media have gone bonkers, because they are as comfortable with business as usual as the politicians. And when politicians don't act the way they're "supposed" to, heaven help the news media.

But let's get back to my newly certified friendship with the man in the White House.

I could be just making up my claim to be Donald J. Trump's new friend. Yes, I could. But I'm not. That's why clear documentation is so important in cases like this. I want to be clear: I did not seek "friend" status with the president of the United States of America. He picked me. That makes it even more special, don't you think?

What I have in the way of proof of my Trumpian friendship is a letter on official letterhead Donald J. Trump stationary.

The letter starts: "Dear friend."

Not "Dear Mr. Sullivan" or "Dear Supporter" or Dear Fellow American."

Nosiree. This is a letter that only goes to the president's best friends.

That includes me.

If you got a similar letter, consider yourselves fortunate. Not everyone can be this president's friend. Not everyone wants to be his friend. Like I said, many of you would rather work hard to upend his presidency than would work hard to see him succeed.

That's American politics for you. And as long as we have such a divide in our political system, don't expect much good to come out of politics.

Donald's (I can call him Donald now that we're friends) letter asked -- you're going to get a kick out of this -- for a donation. Ha. Ha. That's the way Donald is with his good friends. Always joshing. Everyone knows he is one of the richest men in the world, thanks to hard work and possibly the biggest brain in America. He doesn't need to ask for money. Ha. Ha. I laugh every time I read that part of his letter.

Good golly! I just realized that if I'm Donald J. Trump's friend, then I must also be Ted Cruz's friend too. After all, any friend of my friend is my friend too.

Right?

Joe Sullivan is the retired editor of the Southeast Missourian.