WARNING: It is not recommended that you plan your life around these horoscopes, but we do hope you find them amusing.

ARIES (Mar.23-Apr.19)

Break through the logjam. Under normal circumstances, this current should be strong and sweet. Soon you'll be where you belong, and then you can relax.

TAURUS (Apr.20-May.20)

As the day passes, you see the wisdom of a more subdued approach. Turn your head from the light to see what you may have missed in the shadows. Enhance your luck by understanding the alternative.

GEMINI (May.21-Jun.20)

It's amazing how much your perception affects reality. Look or listen as if for first time. Previous inconsistencies now make an embarrassing amount of sense. Don't be too hard on yourself for not knowing sooner.

CANCER (Jun.21-Jul.22)

Your power ebbs before you're ready. Land on your feet, ready to run. Someone is eager to reclaim the thing that he or she believes you're stealing. Of course you're innocent, but who'll believe it now?

LEO (Jul.23-Aug.22)

The Stars shift, restarting the cycle on terms more favorable to Leo. You've seen this moment coming for a while. Be the first in line to collect your share of what is undoubtedly the real thing.

VIRGO (Aug.23-Sep.22)

Now that your chance is slipping away, you understand what might have been. Consider yourself saved from temptation. Your inner romantic may need a separate session later on.

LIBRA (Sep.23-Oct.22)

You detect a pattern that you can finally put to good use. Your secret craving brings about a return to normal. Life's smaller favors are all lined up and ready to serve you.

SCORPIO (Oct.23-Nov.21)

You're ready to sacrifice, but do you really know what you're getting into? As the Stars get ready to change partners, you miss more of what you give, and are appreciated less for it. Sainthood may not be for you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov.22-Dec.21)

There's hope on the horizon. You can turn this week around. Someone that you trust is finally delivering a message that you can understand. Act now, while you're still certain.

CAPRICORN (Dec.22-Jan.19)

Friendship is headed for a flash point. Your job is to keep a disagreement from turning into a rift. Don't let your loyalties be swayed. As the egos flare, remember what's important.

AQUARIUS (Jan.20 -Feb.18)

Your version works for you, although others have their own stories. Test the water before surrendering to it. By evening, you may have good reason to change your mind.

PISCES (Feb.19-Mar.20)

Now that you've attracted so much attention, it's hard to blame others for being curious. Personal symbols and favorite illusions may not hold up well under scrutiny. Your sense of self remains strong no matter what.