Off! the Top of My Head

by Chad Armbruster

Welcome kids to another exciting adventure in the life O'Chad. I know you've been on pins and needles waiting to hear from me and I'll try not to disappoint. This month's topic for the greater Cape Girardeau area is an interesting notion broached by a new friend of mine. She claims that I am an unapproachable individual while others say I'm just plain scary, but first a little back story.

I was lucky enough to find a job up here rather quickly and lets face it, war or no war the economy still sucks and jobs aren't what they use to be. I don't know why but apparently going to college for eight years and not graduating is just as good as graduating. Who am I to question? Anyway, before I actually start my job I have to go through four weeks of paid training with 17 other people. Needless to say we're all starting to talk to each other more and more because after all, it's the situation that creates friends of this stature. Not to say that we (those of us in the group being trained) would never have become friends out in the big world, but I don't think we ever would have met each other without the job. Now, through some common backgrounds we've found that the majority of us have quite a bit to talk about and having similar senses of humor does tend to help.

So, one day we're all sitting outside on a break and my friend Patti turns and says to me that at first she found me to be a rather unapproachable person. To go even further she tells me that I'm scary looking and she probably would never have talked to me if she didn't know me. WOW! How's that for an uplifting experience. My ego is falling like the Dow at this point. Then someone else from my group chimes in and he says that the combination knee length leather trench coat and shaved head does give me a rather hit man look. WOW, again. The hits just keep on coming. Around this time our break is ending and it's time to get back to training. I'm fixating at this point and have little else to think about for the next 4 hours.

The next day comes and I'm getting ready for work still fixating. Then it hits me. These simple statements from Patti seem to explain more about me than I would have thought. When I was growing up I wasn't exactly the most popular kid around (I know I can hear the gasps all the way up here in St. Louis) so it goes without saying that I was picked on quite a bit. Maybe with good reason because of my smart-ass nature, but the point here is that I never fought back in the physical sense. To this day I've never even thrown a punch. I'm just not into the whole fighting thing. As you can probably tell I'd rather run my mouth to get out of a situation than anything else. But the picking on nature of high school students never comes without the damaging psyche and I've always pictured myself as that insecure, overweight, wipishlly small guy that was projected on me in my youth. All I ever really wanted from people while growing up was to be liked and respected by my peers for who I am - nothing more nothing less. So, why should I be so offended by someone who thinks I'm scary looking? I'm well aware that fear does not always equal respect but it comes in a close second in many peoples minds. So that's one down, now we move on to the "like" portion of the wants. Since Patti said that to me, she has gone on to say that she finds me to be a likable individual who has a kind nature. So that takes care of the other half of the statement.

Let's move on to my own self perception. Am I over weight? Well, I'm not in the best shape of my life and I guess I would be called a doughboy by today's descriptions of body type. But hugely obese I am not. Am I wimpish? While I do have a high tolerance for pain, I don't think I'm going to run out and saw off my arm just because I think I can take the pain. Nor am I going to run away from a fight just because pain may or may not be inflicted. (Though I am still going to talk my way out of it if I can) Am I insecure? You bet, extremely insecure, almost to the point of debilitation. I am well aware that it is my own insecurities that keep me from taking chances that may turn profitable in the end. So if some think that I'm unapproachable due to looks and I think that women don't talk to me because I'm overweight and insecure, who's right?

A wise man once said that we are our own worse critics. Which, in all reality, would mean that our self-perceptions keep us from doing what we feel we can do to accomplish what we want. So keeping that notion in mind, I really can do anything that I believe I can't do. I know I might be turning this into more of a self help article than my normal fun time diatribe, but I thought the idea of a potentially negative statement being turned into a positive self-realization would help some of you realize just how limiting we can be to ourselves. (Call me Dr. Phil and I'll kick your ass) All I'm trying to say is that in reality there's no reason why I can't walk up to someone that I find to be attractive and ask them if they'd like to go out sometime. Now that person might say no thanks, but I don't need to think that it's because I'm fat or unapproachable. It really could be just because she took me at face value and didn't really feel like getting to know me and if that's the case did I really want to be involved with someone who is too self absorbed to see that I'm a personable guy. So, the lesson here kids is that you need to stop being your own worst enemy and stop thinking that you can't go out and be everything you want. Go out and get the job you want and don't let anyone tell you that you'll never be able to accomplish your goal. Don't let your own perceptions make you think that you can't get the girl you want. Then again be careful what you wish for or you might actually get it. I did, I did and now I wish I hadn't. But will that stop me from foraging on? NO! Have faith in humanity. While on the other end of the spectrum don't be so externally fixated that you turn away people who might end up being good friends or even more if you're willing to get beyond the original first impression.

So, in closing I say thank you Patti for being forward enough to say what you said while not being close minded enough to believe it. On that note I'm taking my insecurities and going home. Until next time have fun and stay away from mirrors, they only lie.