A brother's graduation advice

In less than one week my sister, Kati, will be graduating from the University of California Santa Cruz. I know, it's late, but they do things on their own calendar out there.

Since I won't be able to make it to the ceremony, I figured I should take the chance to write down several pieces of advice for graduation and beyond. It'll probably come out muddled and incoherent, but she's used to that.

So, Kati, here you go.

First and foremost, avoid the "what are you going to do" nervous breakdown.

In the days leading up to graduation you will be surrounded by parents, friends of the family and professors asking you the same question over and over again: "So now that college is over, what are you planning to do next?"

They mean well, they're just making polite conversation, but the repeated question will grate on you.

And if you respond the way I did, the stress will cause you to lie through your teeth.

"I don't know," is not an acceptable answer, you'll think. So you'll decide to get creative.

"Ahhm, I'm actually planning to audition for the next season of 'America's Next Top Model,'" or "You know those commercials about the Marines? They really got me thinking about honor," are both thoughts that may pop into your head.

Resist the urge.

It may seem like all of your classmates have sweet, high-paying jobs lined up, but trust me, they don't. The same kid who can't stop talking about his internship with some U.S. senator will end up being the kid who spends the next year of his life licking envelopes.

So forget about being competitive. Enjoy the last week of freedom and take the chance to turn the question around on the one who asks it. See what advice they have. You might get some good ideas.

Second, look at your future with a long lens. Don't do the safe, convenient thing, do the thing that gets you excited. I hope that ends up being something that doubles as a stepping stone to a career, but even if it doesn't, don't undersell a valuable experience.

Forget the fast track.

You're lucky to be graduating without debt -- you can thank our parents for that -- and the best way to say thank you is by doing something meaningful.

You don't have to grab that job as a hotel clerk just to pay off your student loans. You can afford to be picky, methodical and, if it appeals to you, take that low-paying job as a grade school teacher in a struggling school district.

Have at it. Decisions made from strength are a different species than decisions made out of fear.

And finally -- and I can't stress this enough -- don't party too hard the night before the big event. Because three things are certain of all commencement ceremonies: The speaker will be long-winded, the time will be early and the thermometer will read hot, hot, hot.

During my graduation in 2004, I remember mopping the sweat from my brow and watching my classmates fan each other with mortar boards like Cleopatra's eunuchs. I thought, "I sure am glad I didn't drink too much last night."

And just then, like a bolt from beyond, the girl sitting directly in front of me bent over and -- ahem -- sent back her breakfast. Her graduation day was ruined as was, I'm sure, that of anyone sitting within splattering distance.

So if you don't remember anything else, remember not to be that person. Because no one likes that person.

Good luck; you're not going to need it.

TJ Greaney is a staff reporter for the Southeast Missourian.