Personality has an effect on parenting methods

NEW YORK -- When it comes to parenting, there rarely is only one right way to do things.

But, says author Janet Levine, there might be a better way of doing things depending on a parent's individual personality: An "organizer" often works best when there is a goal to be accomplished while an "entertainer" thrives on working a lesson into a story.

Levine studies the Enneagram, an established model of personality based on a diagram with nine points, each one representing a personality type. Those points on the circumference also are connected with each other by inner lines.

The model, featured in Levine's book "Know Your Parenting Personality" (Wiley) is based on patterns of thoughts, feelings, motivations and perceptions.

"There are some hard truths about parenting," she said. "All of us have a good side and a bad side. By finding out about your personality and motivations, you become aware of how to best take advantage of strengths and change behavior to downplay weakness."

Consider your strengths -- empathy and passion if you're a "dreamer," loyalty and logic if you're a "questioner" -- as gifts that can be used to enhance interaction with your children, says Levine, herself the mother of two sons.

She says the Enneagram isn't intended to pigeonhole anyone, it's actually supposed to expand a parent's pool of resources to deal with each child individually. It's also helpful to type your children, though Levine says that shouldn't be attempted until children are teenagers because that's when they truly become individuals instead of miniature versions of their parents.

"You will be the same parenting personality with different kids, but each kid -- each with a different personality of their own -- will bring out a different part of that personality within you," she explains.

Levine describes herself as "an organizer with a wing of helper." When she's stressed, she takes on "peacekeeper" tendencies, and when she's feeling safe and secure, she's a "questioner."

The personality that these traits create often puts her at loggerheads with one of her sons, who is much more of an optimistic "entertainer."

"When I'd bring him back to earth, he didn't appreciate it," Levine says.

Looking back, she would have been better off making cleaning his room a game that would appeal to his fun-loving personality instead of a goal-oriented task that she, as an "organizer," appreciated.

Leving uses a nine-question, multiple-choice quiz to define parenting personalities. When most people take the quiz, they are surprised by the triad they fall into -- at least if they were honest with their answers, Levine said. People sometimes give answers on based on the personality type they hope they'll be, she cautions.

-

According to the Enneagram model featured in Janet Levine's book "Know Your Parenting Personality," each parent falls into one of nine basic categories:

The moralizer. Conscientious, preoccupied with correcting error, inflexible, judgmental. Linked to the dreamer and the entertainer.

The helper. Devoted, empathetic, needs approval, can be manipulative. Linked to the dreamer and the protector.

The organizer. High achiever, efficient, competitive, obsessed with image. Linked to the questioner and the peacekeeper.

The dreamer. Creative, emotionally charged, melancholic, attracted to the unavailable. Linked to the helper and the moralizer.

The observer. Privacy is paramount, rational, detached. Linked to the protector and the entertainer.

The questioner. Prone to doubt, scans for danger, loyal, questioning, excellent troubleshooter. Linked to the organizer and the peacekeeper.

The entertainer. Mercurial, hard to pin down, childlike charm, backs away from commitment. Linked to the observer and the moralizer.

The protector. Take-charge, protective of turf and family, combative, likes control. Linked to the observer and the helper.

The peacekeeper. Calm, seeks consensus, takes on others' position at expense of own agenda, obstinate and stubborn. Linked to the questioner and the organizer.