"I don't have the Christmas spirit this year," I hear many people say. I wondered what that was. Merely because it was Christmas, was everyone expected to feel a certain way? Were all cares supposed to suddenly disappear? After it was over, would life be different forever? What was that Christmas spirit?

I mulled what the exact meaning must be around in my head. I've always loved Christmas, but it requires extra work. There was often the concern of where the money for gifts would be found, who was coming to visit, how much food would I need. I wondered if everyone would have a great time and receive the joy from the holiday they expected. Would people be changed after Christmas?

If everyone judged their joy of Christmas by its true meaning, there would certainly be less stress. With fewer expectations, people could relax and enjoy the spiritual offerings that are available. We often fail to make attending various Novenas, Christmas programs and other church services a priority. We are too busy trying to make the day wonderful for everyone, including ourselves. Many expect joy to magically fall into their laps, without effort, because Christmas is a happy time to celebrate. It's an enchanting time of the year.

I've talked with some who have lost loved ones. They say Christmas is simply not the same this year. It's true that an important part of what brings people happiness is gone when someone dies. Their absence is noticed even more at holiday gatherings. The past is remembered, and those memories are even more prominent and harder to bear. There's much research on why holidays are difficult to endure. It's an oft-declared statement that depression and loneliness are rampant at holiday times.

Amid those scenarios, though, much joy resides. Many do capture the "Christmas spirit." The spirit of Christmas does not consist of how many gifts we receive or give, how many people are at our house, the number of party invitations we receive or whether we're alone. We choose whether to have the spirit of Christmas. Everyone is somewhat stressed and even apprehensive at what may happen among families and within their own emotions. But we alone decide whether to allow bad occurrences to destroy our joy. Knowing and rejoicing that Jesus has been born is the spirit of Christmas.

Whether it's the Christmas season, Easter or someone's birthday, we're responsible for picking up and going on as happy as possible. We can't blame our sadness on any particular season. Life constantly changes, and it's necessary for us to adapt and change with it.

Although that sounds good in theory, its truth is hard to accept. We can either continue being miserable, saying we don't have the Christmas spirit this year, or believe the opposite.

Because of the birth of Jesus we're promised a new life. Regardless of what happens to us during this life, it needn't get us down. Because of the gift of baby Jesus, Christmas can always be joyous. It depends on what we expect to receive during the season of Christmas. Is it the solace of knowing that someone stronger than we are is watching over us, promising a new future, or is our joy based on gifts and gatherings? Will Uncle Ed and Aunt Joyce get along?

Many expect miracles during the Yuletide season. If such happenings occur, wonderful. If nothing out of the ordinary happens, however, we're again able to celebrate the "reason" for Christmas. We don't have to experience a mountaintop feeling to have the Christmas spirit. Whatever we experience must come from inside us. Whether we're alone or with others we can still say "I have the Christmas spirit for 'I have Jesus!'"

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction and provides spiritual direction to people at her office.