The Dating Game

American youth are changing the way they meet their mates.

By Laura Johnston ~ Southeast Missourian

Images of red hearts, cuddly bears and vivid roses are in abundance across Southeast Missouri as retailers market Valentine's Day gifts for Feb. 14.

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that more than $400 million will be spent on flower sales for the holiday and that the average person will eat 24 pounds of candy in the year, most of it around the coming holiday.

And don't forget the cards. Hallmark expects 200 million Valentine's Day cards to be exchanged, not including boxed sets used in classrooms.

Traditionally, Valentine's Day is a day to share your love with a sweetheart. Many couples exchange gifts or plan special dates.

But dating practices today are much different than they've been in years past. Online dating, group dating and casual attitudes about marriage have changed the role dating plays in society, area sociologists say.

Online dating services have vastly changed the dating landscape. Now people living on separate continents and in separate states are easily connected. Nielsen surveys show that most online daters are between ages 25 and 34 and that more men are using the services than women. Only about 10 percent of the people who post online personal ads are students, primarily because they have the most access to singles than any other demographic.

"Dating has changed to the extent that I'm not even sure it's an appropriate word" to use for the practice, said Dr. Gerald Stott, a sociology professor at Southeast Missouri State University.

It used to be that males asked a female on a date about a week in advance, picked her up, took her out and then home at the end of the evening. Now young people tend to hang out and there isn't an air of exclusivity with couples meeting for dates, he said.

"It's much more casual than it was in my time."

A lot of those changes have to do with the economy. It was much easier for an 18-year-old male to graduate from high school, find a decent job and begin to raise a family in the 1950s than it is today. "What what's an 18-year-old going to do today when he gets out of school? He can't afford to raise a family."

And because Americans are marrying at older ages, there isn't the concern for finding a mate as early in life, Stott said. Based on data from the 2000 census, women aren't getting married until age 25 and men are nearly 27 before they marry.

Stott said when he was in high school, most girls over age 21 who weren't married were considered "old maids."

But that's not the case now that most high school graduates go on to college and then want to get established in a job before they begin raising children. "The attitudes are changing but it goes back to the economy."

Stott teaches a class on the family at the university and students talk about these changing roles and standards. From what he overhears, Stott said the students aren't as serious about finding a mate right away.

But dating is the best way to do that, he added. "It's very important to get good marriages."

The more a person has a chance to learn about the opposite sex, "you know what different people are like so you can select somebody," Stott said.

It's a chance to become a better person, because it's learning to relate to people, he said.

High school students, probably the age demographic most likely to be dating, have some varied ideas about what constitutes a good date.

Nadia Gonzalez, a 15-year-old Central High School student, said a Valentine's Day date doesn't have to be anything special. She'd just like a chance to got to dinner and get roses.

Kylie Maxcy thinks a cool concert and coffee afterwards would be suitable. But more often than not, suitors aren't really creative.

Few teenage boys were even thinking about Valentine's Day this week, though the holiday is Saturday. Cole Crist said most of his friends will send flowers and take their girlfriends on a date for Valentine's Day. Knowing that it's Valentine's Day creates a lot of pressure, he added. "You have to get her something."

ljohnston@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 126