You know I got to say I feel sooooooooo loved. Running around town during the last two months I've had a total of 3 people stop me and ask me " How come I wasn't writing my column anymore?". Was it my pithy wit that you missed in my column ? No, They missed that my life sounded more pathetic than theirs.( Insert ego deflation here).

So what caused my sabbatical from my adoring public? My truck. Having no wheels severely curtails your ability to track, monitor and bag your prey. If I offended anybody with that statement, we're off to a good start . For nearly 2 months my life has been about getting a ride, pleading on the phone with anyone foolish enough to answer. Please pick me up and take me to work. That was just the cab company. It kinda limits your mobility when you have to ask "Gee just how far is it?" and " Does the @#%! cab company go there?" Trust me, there is a reason for my ire.

With my truck being down during this time...I had to contact my friends across the country and get them to confess over their latest bad dates. (I have friends, really)

1) Bad date: Never take a first date to see "The Passion" especially when your date is jewish.

2) Bad Date : When your date picks up the check, make sure they haven't picked up and run out the back.

3) Bad Date : When your date takes you out to a favorite restaurant and the wait staff mouth silently to you " For the love of god, get out now."

I bet right now your feeling pretty good about yourself. Let's not forget these brave souls who risk their hearts and sometimes there lives to

to bring you vicarious pleasure, but remember they do RISK. While you on the other hand are most likely sitting at home and laughing, but you are still at home.

So dollies..spring has arrived...passover is around the corner...we're egging on easter..be brave, be safe, be bold and get your @#$% out of the house. How else can I stalk my prey? ( smile for me people!)