Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy? Theme songs on TV?

I can still quote the lyrics to theme songs from childhood shows like "Full House" or "Family Matters," and I know we all know the story all about how a life got flipped, turned upside down and Will Smith became the prince of a town called Bel Air.

What happened to theme songs that tell a story? Or at least a clip montage showing character growth?

Those warning tunes rang out, calling you in from the kitchen or bathroom or laundry room. They usually also explained the show, like the story behind "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" or the frazzled life of teenagers in "Saved by the Bell."

Few new shows come with catchy new theme songs, though. No matter how funny the show, the intros seem like haphazard afterthoughts. Chuck Lorre's new endeavor "Mike & Molly" has three shots of Chicago and two lines of lyrics as the signal the show is starting.

I've hypothesized a few reasons networks no longer give us something to sing about before they present us with something to laugh about.

No. 1: Economy. Show creators, like the rest of us, are doing more with less. The work force has been downsized and they'd rather skimp on show tunes than jokes.

No. 2: Lack of creativity. The shows are funny, no doubt. The writers spend a lot of time giving us humorous story lines and repeatable one-liners. They're just spent when it comes to a witty introduction.

No. 3: Wasted efforts. "Mike & Molly" just debuted. It was saved from the first round of cuts, but it's still on the chopping block for cancellation. If it does get canceled, there's nothing for viewers to remember and no sad-faced writer who just wasted a witty intro on a four-episode failure.

No. 4: Time. In a 30-minute segment, nine-and-a-half minutes are devoted to commercials, leaving a smidge more than 20 minutes for opening, show and credits. Speed the credits, shorten the intro, bam! Nineteen whole minutes of comedy!

TV just ain't the same as it was in my day. There's nothing to stick with viewers anymore.