‘It doesn't matter if we're successful'

A couple of Sundays ago I was pretty down when I arrived at church. There had been several occurrences throughout the week that had left me feeling like a failure, like I couldn't do anything right, even though I had prayed about and put my whole heart into these things, giving all of myself to make them happen.

Despite this, it seemed like my efforts hadn't made a difference and didn't quite measure up in others' eyes, or even in my own eyes. Things hadn't gone as I'd hoped they would, and I was disappointed and confused, wanting to be God's love, but discouraged and in need of transformation.

During his homily, Father Bill Kottenstette said something reassuring that I've been thinking about ever since. He said, "It doesn't matter if we're successful. What matters is that we're faithful." These words jumped out at me, giving me a hopeful perspective on the happenings of my week, and on obedience and "failure" in general. It helped me realize that my true goal and focus should not be on success or how I want things to turn out, but rather on my God and his love. If I am obedient to God and his love, what I count as a failure might actually be a success, just a different success than the one I initially planned.

Father Bill's words made me think that maybe sometimes my efforts serve some other purpose than the one that I, in my tunnel vision, see in front of me. Maybe my efforts are meant to reach someone else or impact someone -- or myself -- in a different way than I could ever even think of. This calls me to a deeper faith and trust in God and his ability to take bad things and turn them into good, to take what I perceive as failure and transform it into blessing, into success. Faithfulness to our God and his love, in and of itself, is success.

I think of the prayer "Anyway" that hangs in Shishu Bhavan, Mother Teresa's children's home in Calcutta, India. The last line of this prayer says, "You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it is never between you and [other people] anyway."

A focus on obedience helps me to be obedient not only to God but also to people who have been placed in authority above me, as a way of loving God and accepting his love. It helps me to trust more in being obedient to God, to accept the peace that comes with this.

God only wants each of us to know his love more and more each day; that is his will. I know that if I follow in obedience each of his whispers to me, allowing him to love me and love others through me, no matter what the outcomes may look like to the world, my life becomes a prayer to him who loves me first and best. This is what matters; this is success.

Mia Pohlman is a Perryville, Mo., native studying at Truman State University. She loves performing, God and the color purple -- not necessarily in that order.