The empty nest: When kids fly the coop, it can be difficult for parents to adjust

For most adults who have ever been parents, the first 18 years or so of their child's life were spent nurturing and caring for their child, and usually becoming involved in their child's activities and interests.

But once their child is grown and heads off to college or moves away from home, what's next?

Jennifer Owens, a licensed clinical social worker and counselor at the Community Counseling Center in Cape Girardeau, stresses that preparation is key.

"Parents need to begin preparing for the process before their kids leave," she says. "You know it's going to happen, so start working on relationships with your friends, family and spouse prior to the kids leaving. If you start focusing on things you enjoy before the kids leave, it won't be that big of a change."

Owens cautions that there are things to avoid when going through a stage-of-life change such as becoming an empty-nester.

"Avoid making rash decisions and in over-indulging in anything," she says.

College students and kids who have become adults and moved away from home also can help parents ease into the transition of being empty-nesters by communicating with their parents.

"Keep the lines of communication open and check in and let them know that you are safe," says Owens.

Utahna Hancock, a partner in The Dale & Hancock Center for Individual and Family Therapy in Cape Girardeau, agrees that having kids grow up and move on can be life-changing.

"Once kids leave, it's a different paradigm," she say. "Up to now, your main purpose has been to raise the kids and get them on their own. You now have to find another sense of purpose."

Hancock says, many studies show that people live longer when they have a sense of purpose.

She also offers advice on money and happiness: "Money does not make you happy unless you spend it right," she says. Doing things for other people, whether monetarily or by acts of service, can help empty-nesters cope during this transitional time.

"It all comes right back to having a sense of purpose," says Hancock.

She recommends ways to spend your money that can also help during the empty-nester stage.

"Spend your money on experiences rather than things," she says. "Many people choose to downsize at this time of life so that they can travel more to see their kids and grandkids."

Hancock also sees the empty nest stage as a time for couples to improve their marriages.

"Think about what brought you two together in the first place and try to rejuvenate that," she says.