Getting to know someone

By Ellen Shuck

Have you ever met someone you couldn't like and for sure couldn't love?

Have you taken the time to "really" know him or her?

Perhaps you've thought and said, "There's nothing to love about them." You then list all the flaws you see.

It's true you won't like everyone you meet. Some people are just naturally more lovable than others.

Some rub you the wrong way just by being around them, while other people have a friendly, outgoing personality and say all the right things. They always seem to be available when you need them, and they're simply nice, in general.

I find no one that I can't find something that I admire or like.

I enrolled in a class that most of the students avidly disliked. Mrs. Garfield was a good teacher, but she possessed a personality that was intimidating and rough.

Mrs. Garfield appeared to be grouchy and overly strict, and she was stiff and stern.

You held your breath when you asked a question and steadied your nerves before you could gain the courage to raise your hand. Students reciprocated accordingly.

I felt sorry for Mrs. Garfield. I would smile when I approached her and try to show friendliness and understanding.

I never felt she was necessarily mean. I believed the other students were not experienced in coping with her kind of disposition.

I, on the other hand, grew up in a farm family that nurtured a sickly grandmother staying at our house.

My dad, too, was ill much of the time after he suffered a stroke. I was used to people who weren't always in the best of moods.

Consequently, I grew to love Mrs. Garfield, and she responded to the respect and interest I extended to her.

I hoped her students could see in her what I did. If you look for the good in people, you can always find something to love.

They never may return your sentiment, but, nevertheless, you can derive pleasure from loving them, rather than feeling frustrated.

As I've written in many of my writings and book, my mom so often quoted the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." We kids actually believed the principle.

St. Francis DeSales, among others, said, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

The Gospel, Matthew 5, offers many passages on how to treat others: "When someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other as well." And, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, for if you love only those who love you, what recompense do you have? Do not tax collectors do the same?"

Jesus speaks against greeting only those who greet you, and asks, "Do not the pagans do that?"

When you smile at someone, regardless of their previous expression, they will always smile back. The simple but rich gesture says to them, "You're important; I am noticing you as someone worthy of my attention."

It's such an easy but important gesture. Giving someone your grocery cart and failing to collect the usual quarter is within everybody's reach.

There's no one that needs to be a stranger. You can sample, at least, a touch of their inner humanness, if you take the time and make the effort to try. Your reward is knowing that you possibly made someone's day.

I have shared, also, that my parents kept roomers at our residence to help make ends meet.

We never knew who would be dining. Mom never treated them as strangers; she incorporated them into our family and tried to become friends with them. She took an avid interest in their well-being. Mom definitely lived by that Golden Rule.

The Native American saying, "Never judge another until you've walked in his moccasins for two weeks," is one worthy of your attention.

In other words, put yourself in another person's place, and before you decide you don't like or love another person, get to really know them.