Whose troubles are worse?

By Ellen Shuck

So you think your problems and challenges are broader, more tragic and heart-breaking than those of others? There are many times when you feel as if what you're enduring is so traumatic the experience is overshadowing your life. We feel like we can't lead our own lives because our mind is so occupied with our challenges.

Jane was trying to solve a problem with a young person, Jim, aimed toward his education. It seemed that regardless of how intently she attempted to find a solution for the dilemma, the more difficult and bleak the situation became. Jane tried one avenue for educating Jim, and then another. After much consultation with his counselor, school systems and various other sources of possible assistance, Jane finally settled on a solution, of sorts. Her attitude was that one can't always get what they would rather acquire.

As Jane discussed the matter with a friend, Sarah, that had tried to help with Jim, she was surprised to find that Sarah was encountering a situation that made Jane's circumstance minute. However, Sarah had never said a word about her problems. Instead she seemed to be carrying on her life as usual. It wasn't until Jane participated in the conversation that day with Sarah that she found out. Sarah was comforting Jane, saying she didn't see how she could keep on shouldering Jim's erratic behavior: "It must be horrible to live with the situation constantly."

After the phone conversation had ended, Jane was drawn into her world of meditation about the problems and challenges that everyone faces. No one is exempt from suffering. We may not see evidence of the inner trauma that's going on inside everyone. This doesn't mean that some refuse to worry, but regardless of the topic of concern, no one gets through life unscathed.

A few weeks later, after Jane's recognition that other people's problems are greater than hers, she discovered further evidence this was true. This incident involved a discussion about the Christmas holidays and the season. The two women, Jane and Elsie, were both echoing their feeling that one must choose to happy or sad during the Christmas season. Elsie was saying that she was rushed and had so much to do that it seemed unfair. The stores were crowded, baking must be done and various other jobs were on her agenda. "I was really feeling sorry for myself," she said, "until I talked with a lady standing in line at the check-out counter." The woman looked sad and acted the same way. Elsie noticed this.

Elsie engaged with chit-chat with the person in line and finally remarked to the other woman in line. "You look like something is bothering you."

"I just lost a daughter," the woman shared. Elsie was so taken back with her answer, she immediately felt ashamed of herself. Her so-called challenges were so small, compared with the stranger's. How dare she even mention her petty little annoyances, much of which she brought on herself. She didn't have to complete all the chores she had assigned to herself.

After hearing Elsie's story, Jane contemplated on the fact that even though we believe our problems, challenges, or whatever we choose to call our concerns, can be so minute when we listen to some others. The question is, "Do we gain from our suffering, or become morbid, bitter, sad, and lose our zest for living?"

St. Paul offered many views on suffering but one stands out to me, particularly. After praying to God and hearing Him say, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," Paul said. "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardship, and calamities; for when I am weak then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

Everyone suffers, but it's the way we perceive our hardships that gives it the power to make or break our spirits.