Don't let bad experiences last a llifetime

The first thing we all need to know and realize is our past does not define our future. Have you ever believed it did? It is true our past has an influence on how we look at life, what happens, our moral values and other opinions on many things. Our understanding of the past, however needn't remain permanent in our mind. We can relearn our thoughts and the ways we perceive our past, particularly those happenings that are unpleasant.

Do we think about what's happened, over and over again? Do we hash and rehash the wrongs we've felt we were forced to bear -- holding grudges we believe are justified? Holding on to what's over is like treading water. Our purpose is to stay afloat -- keep from sinking. When our mind is stuck on what's past, we can't move forward because our thoughts are caught in that web of despair. Ou growth in life is stunted. We're tied up in knots.

There are too many scenarios to count when it comes to how many different events, moods, harsh words and things we've all had to endure. Have we been attempting to enjoy the present and move forward, while we're still looking out the rear-view mirror?

So why do many people get past the difficult and traumatic in their life? They smile and seem genuinely happy. I believe most who exhibit this type of behavior, despite their hardships in the past, have actively sought ways to be happy now, in the present.

Isaiah 43: 18-19 says to "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

My husband and I enjoyed out-of-town guests last week. They were both a joy. Tom and Mary were examples of those enduring a past that was anything but pleasant. Both had lost their spouses. They had met eventually and took new wedding vows. Part of their honeymoon was spent at our home. We toured our town, and the couple seemed to have experienced a wonderful time.

While having coffee, ice cream and cookies at our dining room table, they shared their future plans. Their children were grown and soon to be out of the house. Their most fervent intent was to spend lots of time with each other. They both shared they wished they had spent more time with their former mates. However, they were raising children and trying to make their lives work. As we know, when you're beginning in life, you can be so interested in making a living you feel you must work and do other numerous things you feel are necessary.

Both individuals said they would never place getting ahead, and, friends, ahead of each other, again. I remarked to them, during the conversation. "But don't live with a lot of regrets. You did the best you could at that time, within your circumstances and what you believed, then. "

They were quick to answer, "Oh, we're not going to let those, feelings of the past, ruin our new life, now. We've learned from the mistakes and will not make those same errors in this marriage." I will add they both loved their former spouses so much they thought they would never meet anyone else with whom they could be happy -- but they have.

Author, Joan Chittister, in her book, "For Everything There's a Season," says, "Life is not lived in a straight line. Life comes out of nowhere, or at least out of where we would rather not be, again and again. The tension lies in being able to let go of the past." We must simply go on, past the things of the past to the realities of the present.