BUCKING THE SYSTEM: WATCHING PARENTS BETTER THAN WATCHING TELEVISION

The older I get the funnier my parents get.

Sometimes when I'm visiting them on the weekends, I don't even watch television. It's funnier to witness the comedic scenes first hand, and without commercial interruptions.

I guess what makes these visits so enjoyable is that my parents are so different.

My dad is your typical road runner. Staying at home is for old age, so the perpetual 49-and-a-half year old tries his best to stay gone as much as possible, taking fishing and golf vacations whenever "official union business" allows.

And then there are Titans football and Cardinals baseball games that need his attention, and don't even the mention the casinos about two hours in either direction that need periodic visits.

My mom, on the other hand, is a country girl at heart. She likes to sit at home and take it easy most days, enjoying QVC and Bobby Jones Gospel, Walker, Texas Ranger and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Her jaunts are mostly local, or quick trips to Memphis to check on Ma Dear, my grandmother.

She hasn't even realized yet that my sister, Clarissa, is only a three-hour drive away, which is doable at any time as a weekend road trip.

The difference in my parents' lifestyles always comes to a head when they're together at home, which is usually during football season, college basketball's March Madness, NBA playoffs -- well, you get the picture.

That's when Dad's television schedule completely interrupts Mom's life schedule. He becomes Mr. Remote, managing all TV viewing and laying all over HER couch, messing up HER floor with his cigarette debris and snack trash, and making her miss "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." And then he complains about there not being any food in the house, even after Mom goes to the grocery store.

And so she retaliates. Mom has a way of saying things that just rub Dad the wrong way. And she does it very serenely, not even sitting up in her easy chair to gauge his reaction.

Sometimes she'll tell the grandchildren to ask Pawpaw to help them ride their bikes, other days she'll refuse to pay the guy for cutting the lawn since that's a chore Dad's supposed to do.

Then she'll wait. Dad always winds up sputtering an agitated response or telling his beloved wife she's losing her mind. She, in turn, walks in the other direction, hee-heeing all the way.

I'm telling you, it's comedy at its best.

But then the holidays, birthdays and other special moments come, and Dad shows me why these two are still married after nearly 32 years. He usually manages to produce a pretty bouquet of flowers, always with the same card Love, Sam. And although his gifts may be hit or miss, we always know he picked them out by himself, and he deserves credit for that.

And sometimes his gifts are right on the mark. Especially when, like this weekend, he gives his adult daughters the money and tells us to do the right thing.

For us, that always means asking Mom what she wants and getting just enough money for that item. Then everyone's happy, and the comedy moves from situation to romantic.

Until next weekend.

Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.