RIVER CITY JOURNAL: WHEN PLANNING THAT SPECIAL TRIP, WHY DOES HOME LOOK SO GOOD?

We've thought about Paris and California and lofty Mount Zion, but we'd really like to get out of the Show Me State for this year's anniversary vacation, if we can.

This is the time of year I get itchy to go somewhere.

The weather is bright. The sun is warm. Travel is in the air.

And, after all, I'm a red-blooded American who wants to keep our nation's innkeepers and marketplaces in spending money.

Not to mention all those self-serve gasoline joints where the holder for the windshield squeegee is always out of fluid. For a buck and a half a gallon, a fellow ought to be able to clean his own windshield, don't you think?

My wife and I have consulted travel agents and our world-traveling sons. So far, their advice hasn't moved us past Kingshighway.

Since 1972, we've found our vacation refuge on the Oregon Coast. Same tiny town. And, for the past 10 years, the same house.

But this year is special. This year is our 35th wedding anniversary.

We made history with our 25th wedding anniversary. Maybe you heard about it.

The anniversary day came the same week we moved to Topeka. Our new home was a warehouse of moving boxes. Both sons were there to mark the special occasion. For years before the event, my wife had always said she wanted a cream-pie fight on our 25th anniversary. Dutiful sons arose before dawn, went to a supermarket, purchased every frozen pie crust and can of whipped cream in stock, came home, baked the crusts and filled them with whipped cream. We were awakened, dressed in garbage bags, shower caps and goggles and led out to the patio where 25 cream pies were waiting.

I won't bore you with the details or even bother to explain why a police car arrived in our driveway, but it was truly an anniversary to remember.

After that kind of celebration, you hanker for something even better on your 35th.

And don't say banana cream filling would be nice

Of all the places in the world my wife would like to go, Venice is at the top of the list. The one in Italy. She keeps saying we have to go see it before it sinks into the sea. I, of course, am still waiting for the Leaning Tower of Pisa to topple.

So we consulted our friendly travel agent. "You don't want to go to Italy this year," he said.

I thought that was an odd thing for a travel agent to say.

He reminded me that this is a Jubilee Year for the Church of Rome. "Italy will be swamped," he cautioned.

That's exactly what my wife said about Venice.

But, 500 million Catholics is a lot of people. I'll bet the lines will be longer than Six Flags. I don't go to Six Flags because of the lines. Or Disney World.

Which is why I vote a lot. There are never any lines when I vote. Have you noticed that too?

My wife thought Maine might be good. We've never been there. Older son, who lives in Boston and has been to Maine a lot, squelched that idea. "It's no Oregon Coast." Enough said.

I'd go to Africa if someone promised to shoo all the snakes out first. Folks in Africa seem to be more focused on staying alive than on my Deadly Fear of Serpents.

Ireland would be the place for me. No snakes, thanks to good old St. Patrick. But a couple of Protestants in Ireland ... ? More than 30 years ago we went for Morning Prayer at the Church of Ireland's St. Finnbar Cathedral in Cork. The dean of the cathedral, a verger and the two of us heartily sang the versicles. We sounded like four BBs bouncing around in a supertanker.

If I sound a little desperate, it's because I've been reduced to consulting the Missouri Official Highway Map 1997-98. There are probably newer versions of the map. But, with all the money problems the highway department is having, I didn't want to ask for anything free.

I've always said Missouri is truly the all-American state: Spacious skies, waves of grain, mountains, fruited plains and the shining Sea of Bagnell.

Plus all those international venues like the French Quarter (Paris, Rocheport, Versailles, Des Arc, Bonne Terre, Auxvasse, Desloge, Bois D'Arc and Pomme de Terre).

Or the Holy Land (Mount Moriah, Mount Zion, Bible Grove and Bethany).

And the Litany of the Saints Tour (Sts. Ann, Anthony, Catharine, Charles, Clair, Clement, Cloud, Elizabeth, Francisville, Genevieve, George, James, John, Joseph, Louis, Martins, Mary, Patrick, Paul, Peters, Robert and Thomas).

Plus the Virtuous Path (Fairdealing, Fair Play, Aid, Success, Clever and Fidelity).

Back in the 1930s, my mother's uncle took his new automobile, his wife and a sack lunch and left Brushy Creek. He was gone for a month. When he got back, he announced he had been all the way to Shannon County a whopping two counties to the west.

I'd sure like to know where he stayed.

I'd be willing to spend my 35th anniversary there.

~R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.