LEND ME YOUR EAR: GIFTED CAT TIBBY HOMESCHOOLED BY PEOPLE-MOM

For readers who have missed out on vital information about Tibby the Wonder Cat, Tibby is a large, princely-looking male feline whose beautiful black-and-white fur overcoat resembles the cast of the dog so often pictured on TV -- the one that is always excluded from people-people-fun and games.

Tibby resides in our apartment complex with his people-mom, Barbi. I fell in love with him several years ago, but have no way of knowing whether my love was reciprocated. Time and tide may tell.

Animologists claim cats have no sense of time, but Tibby is always at his door to greet Barbi when she returns from work. He is also at his favorite window when other tenants pick up their morning paper, no matter how much time passes before they appear within Tibby's range of vision. If the skeptical animal-watchers are correct in their assumption, then Tibby is the exception that proves the rule.

Authorities on animal behavior also maintain that cats have only limited vision, but I could swear on a stack of Bibles that Tibby can read my lips despite the two panes of glass and a driveway between his place and mine. If readers find this hard to swallow, just ask Tibby himself! Of course, he could be asking the wind blowing between us what that little old lady is trying to say -- or sing. "You call that noise `singing'?" he could be asking. Incidentally, Tibby has acquired his people-mom's sense of humor and her imagination through osmosis.

Some experts on animals say cats are not conscious of noises, and are unable to distinguish between human voices and noises produced by external forces. But any time Tibby hears unusual sounds, he hastens to his favorite window as if wanting to discover the source. Loud hammering, thunder, pouring rain, the whir of an airplane overhead, church bells, and blaring auto horns that could scare the living daylight out of people, appear to leave Tibby unscathed, for he continues to watch without trying to jump out of, or away from, the window.

Like all members of the animal kingdom, Tibby loves music, and his people-mom has music playing in their play-den day and night. Like all animals and people, Tibby and Barbi have their own ways of expressing their love of music. Barbi plays the piano, and Tibby communicates through his tail, using the tip of his tail to keep time with whatever Barbi happens to be playing at the time. Who says cats have no sense of time!

True or false, a recent tenant of our complex told me she had just found Tibby down on the floor practicing his piano lesson on Barbi's old manual typewriter. Barbi had been banging out her frustrations of the day by playing "Stars and Stripes Forever," and Tibby had started thumping out the beats in sympathy, using his strong fluffy tail because his short little paws had grown too tired to thump.

"Why, Tibby!" exclaimed Barbi on recovering (or pretending to recover) from the shock, "You're playing Our Song!"

My visits to their crowded play-den have been few, but I have never seen a piano there, meaning this cat-tale might have been inspired by a phone company's commercial favoring the Internet, which features a cat at a typewriter.

Whatever the truth, my informant said Barbi was so elated over finding Tibby playing their favorite song with her, she begged him to keep on practicing so they could give concerts together and get lots and lots of applause.

Whether Barbi mentioned the money they could earn giving concerts I have no way of knowing. Does Tibby know the word "money"? I keep asking myself.

Up to now, I've lacked the courage to ask Barbi. But, Barbi, you still have lessons to teach Tibby. Tibby, it's never too late to learn -- and I'm convinced that you are the smartest pupil your people-mom has ever had.

Gentle readers, never say a cat can't keep time with the music of life -- while people-people keep searching for the secret.

Aileen Lorberg is a language columnist for the Southeast Missourian.