BUCKING THE SYSTEM: LOVE KEEPS PEOPLE TOGETHER; GOSSIP TEARS THEM APART

I believe the divorce rate would be a lot lower if everybody would quit trying to help each other tend to our personal business.

I have one of those off-the-wall personalities that makes me very likable but extremely hard to love, which is why I thank my lucky stars for Patrick each and every day.

Believe it or not, it's not his birthday or some other schmooze day -- I'm actually being sincere. My husband usually has the patience of Job when I have a MOOD (mine always require capitalization) and I think he deserves some recognition for that.

Our relationship has worked mainly because we usually manage to keep our business out of the streets and to keep the streets out of our house. We've seen well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning gossips destroy a lot of good relationships, so our only household rule is that we not allow the results of other people's observations or eavesdroppings to dictate our actions or reactions.

In other words, we don't allow other people to see, hear or do evil for us. We can manage that quite well on our own.

I remember the night I finally got to dance with Patrick, the good-looking guy with the skinny legs and the big chest. I was so excited and feeling so ... thin while we danced. Then he leaned over and told me there was something I needed to know about him.

Oh Lord, I thought, he's taken.

Well, that wasn't what he wanted to tell me. What he shared with me was an unfortunate part of his past that caused him a lot of embarrassment, and the only reason he shared it with me was because he thought someone else would think he didn't deserve a "college girl" and try to convince me to leave him.

He was right. Several people did try to inform me that "I could do better," but they only made that mistake once. Good or bad, I like to form my own opinions, and I have a problem with people who put themselves on pedestals or who think they can tell me what's good for me.

Keeping people out of your personal business is not the easiest thing to do. I think it's human nature to see someone in a relationship do something that might be questionable, draw a judgment or conclusion about what we saw, then go and tell someone else our version of the event.

Usually, whether right or wrong, our version gets back to the other partner in the relationship and the couple has a fight. More often than not, our version is just a little off-center, which means only one thing.

A mess.

In milder instances, the couple wastes valuable time and trust arguing over something that was innocent and avoidable. In harsher instances, a good couple parts company because a tiny seed of doubt was planted and grew into full-blown distrust.

You know, it's funny how often people think they know you and your best interests better than you do yourself. I honestly believe the divorce rate would be a lot lower if we could keep just these people from opening their mouths.

I understand wanting to protect people and share information "for their own good," but who are we to decide what's best for other people? Maybe the best help we can give other couples is to let them worry about their own relationships.

There's an old saying that I think every partner in a couple should say to do-gooders who think that person needs help with his or her relationship.

Get yourself some business so you can stay out of mine.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.