MARK MY WORD: PARENTS FACE FACTS ABOUT FLAT HEADS IN WELL-ROUNDED WORLD

The fact that we are turning out a whole generation of flat-headed Americans is a scary thought to anyone who has ever tried to find a proper-fitting cap.

As a busy dad, I don't have time to read all those news magazines to find out the latest scoop about Bill and Paula.

I spend my free time reading one of those parents' magazines. You know the ones I'm talking about it -- those magazines with cute kids plastered on the covers.

This isn't Cosmopolitan where sex is in every headline.

Of course, parents' magazines do carry a lot of birth-control ads. There's a message here: You're a parent, now don't do it again.

Magazines for parents feature stories on important topics like childhood tantrums, vaccine updates and hair-brushing hassles.

"Can back sleep affect head shape?" questioned one headline in a recent issue of my favorite parents' publication.

It turns out that babies can get flat heads by sleeping on their backs.

That kind of story is enough to give any parent a major headache.

I'm surprised the Surgeon General hasn't issued guidelines to keep our babies' heads safe and round. At the very least, we need a flat-head support group.

Of course, it's important to keep things in perspective even when we're feeling flat.

After all, there are far worse things than flat heads. Some babies could look like coneheads and be relegated to jobs on the Comedy Channel.

Still, the fact that we are turning out a whole generation of flat-headed Americans is a scary thought to anyone who has ever tried to find a proper-fitting cap.

"While parents are concerned, it turns out that most babies who have this condition don't need corrective surgery," the article notes.

It seems a Pittsburgh neurosurgeon has come up with a solution after studying 71 babies with flat areas on the back of their heads.

He found that varying the position of the head at bedtime and nap time alleviated the problem in nearly half of the babies within a few months.

In the more serious cases, he made the babies wear lightweight, padded helmets to reshape the skull.

Over a period of months, the babies gradually turned into hockey players.

Actually, the helmets apparently worked, according to the doctor who didn't divulge if any of the babies became too well rounded.

After reading about the serious problem of flat heads, I immediately checked to see if my 18-month-old daughter, Bailey, was in need of such a device.

I was relieved to discover that her head isn't any flatter than the rest of the world, barring any major collisions with meteorites, UFOs or congressional committees.

I didn't check my oldest daughter, 5-year-old Becca, for the flat-head syndrome. I'm fairly certain her head is just fine.

Besides, I figure, she's old enough to know she doesn't want to look like a hockey player.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.