POWER PLAY: TECHNOLOGY IN MODERATION A FINE THING

Nobody wants to go back to the good old days clubbing lunch to death with blunt objects, sending messages via horseback or heating up canned stew on top of a stove instead of in a microwave, but making life simple is becoming too darned complex.

Not to sound like a grandpa who, as a child, walked the distance from here to fourth planet in the Betelguese System to get to school everyday in minus 974-degree weather while assailed by bears, wolves and obnoxious Republican presidential candidates, but we used to get by fine with a lot less.

Of course, to me the phrase "a lot less" means we had quite a bit more than those of you of older vintage. My version of "a lot less" still includes electricity, indoor plumbing and clean and inexpensive nuclear power. (Sorry, I bought into the power company propaganda as a kid.)

I can remember when most families only had one television -- that often a black and white -- and only one phone -- that, though, available in other colors in addition to black and white. No microwaves, pocket pagers or power screwdrivers.

But because our lives are so tedious, we come up with things to make them easier.

We didn't like all of that strenuous washing of dirty dishes, so the dishwasher was invented. (Bachelors like myself, however, still resort to the Pile Method.) Opening garage doors got to be a pain, and, thus, the garage door opener. Venturing 1.2 meters from the couch to change the channel on the television became a Herculean task, but the remote control eased the burden. Watching television became a bit boring so we got the videocassette recorder to do our viewing for us. Talking to people on the phone was tedious, so we got the answering machine to do our talking for us.

I'm not adverse to new technologies by any means. In fact, I am proud to be a member of the first generation of video game junkies. We started out on Pong in the mid-1970s, moved on to Atari and excitedly consumed each new upgrade, always wanting something more realistic.

But sometimes what you wish for turns out to be too much like work. Modern video games come with instruction booklets that can easily substitute for a building cornerstone. In thickness, if not in easiness to read.

I am partial to games where you fly around in an airplane or starfighter and gratuitously blow things away. But today's games are so realistic that successfully flying the video craft requires a pilot's license and over 1,000 hours training with a qualified instructor.

Breakthroughs in communication are the worst.

Once again, there are some positives. If there were instant trans-Atlantic faxes in 1815, everyone involved would have known a peace treaty ending the War of 1812 had been signed before American forces pounded the British into oblivion at the Battle of New Orleans. While that would have deprived the U.S. of one of its greatest victories, it may have spared the country the Andrew Jackson presidency. But we're not Quantum Leaping here, so that's irrelevant.

Still, all these so-called communications gains are annoying.

For years I resisted getting an answering machine. The way I look at it, if someone needs to get a hold of me, they'll call back. Eventually, a couple of friends who were annoyed at not being able to leave a message when I wasn't home gave me one.

Then there is the cellular phone. They might be nice if you happen to break down -- and I have taken more than one hike down a desolate stretch of road late at night -- but when I'm in my car, I want to be undisturbed as I continue to destroy my already damaged hearing with the music of the Dead Kennedys or some other equally obnoxious sound.

As far as e-mail goes, few more ridiculous things have been conceived -- with the notable exception of Hootie and the Blowfish.

Although e-mail is meant to enhance communication, it instead allows people to avoid directly speaking to each other. Rather than actually going over to someone and saying you did a good job, you did a rotten job or your mother has just been flattened by an F-14, an e-mail is sent.

Traditional mail allowed communication between people separated by long distances. E-mailing someone in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, might be all right, but e-mailing someone just down the hall is silly.

I don't want to live in a world without technology. Just without the ones I don't like.

~Marc Powers is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.