MARK MY WORD: SURVEY FINDS KIDS CRAVE THEME PARKS

Plenty of parents would launch their kids into extended orbit after a long day at a theme park.

School's out and kids across America are getting packed for those exciting summer vacations with mom and dad.

Kids are particular about this stuff. They don't want just any vacation.

According to a recent survey, one in four youngsters would prefer a coast-to-coast tour of theme parks as a "really cool vacation."

The second most popular choice was an under-the-ocean trip (21 percent), followed by an African safari (18 percent), a space trip, (17 percent) and mountain climbing in Alaska (14 percent).

Nobody surveyed my kids about this stuff. But the pollsters did question 433 children, ages 8-12, as they waited in those long lines at Sea World, Busch Gardens and Sesame Place theme parks.

Theme parks, particularly Disney World, are big with my wife and our 4-year-old daughter, Becca.

It's hard to top an amusement park that features the dolls of the world singing "It's A Small World After All" over and over again until you feel like you are in the middle of some United Nations peace conference for midgets.

I'm surprised so many kids told pollsters they would be interested in an under-the-ocean" voyage. Most of the kids I know would prefer a nationwide motel chain's indoor swimming pools to the murky depths of an ocean.

Although I'm sure 12-year-old boys would like the voyage if it featured a bunch of sharks chowing down in disgusting fashion on some appropriate fish bait, preferably not the home-room teacher.

Most parents probably wouldn't want to take their children on an African safari. I know I wouldn't.

I don't even like venturing into our backyard, which in the summertime resembles Club Med for mosquitoes.

Besides, what kid would want to be trekking through a jungle, where there's no burgers, fries, video stores or water balloons?

As to a space trip, plenty of parents would willingly launch their kids into extended orbit after a long day at a theme park.

I can't explain why even kids would want to climb mountains in Alaska. Perhaps those polled took that beer commercial too literally.

At any rate, those surveyed were clear who they wanted to travel with, and it wasn't Aunt Ruth.

Asked to choose a celebrity companion, one-third picked actor Jonathan Taylor Thomas from TV's "Home Improvement" show.

Two other young TV stars -- Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen from "Full House" -- ranked second at 20 percent.

The least popular choice for a travel mate was President Clinton, who drew only 4 percent, and that was only because he was going to McDonald's.

More than half of the kids said they drive their parents crazy on vacations by fighting with their sisters and brothers. Another 30 percent said they annoy their parents by continually asking, "Are we there yet?"

My advice is to wear ear plugs, even if your vacation trip is just across town.

Twenty-five percent of the kids said their parents drive them crazy at theme parks by not letting them go on the good rides.

Translation: Mom and dad won't let me get on the shake-me-up, turn-me-over and drop-me-from-tall-buildings ride that makes me puke all over the baby when it's over.

Twenty-two percent said their parents walked too slowly in their journey through the theme park.

Translation: We had to stay together and not wander off.

Kids said the most important item to pack for a vacation is a portable CD/tape player or radio.

You're lucky if a kid will pack a comb. Anything else, such as underwear, socks and shoes, won't get packed unless mom and dad do it.

Naturally, you have to remember to take all their important stuff like bubble gum, or they'll accuse you of ruining their vacation.

By the time, you return home, you will feel like you have climbed a mountain in Alaska. Your kids, on the other hand, will be ready to do it all over again.

In which case, you might want to tell them to take a hike over one of those mountains.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.