MARK MY WORD: NEED CREDIT? THE DEBT IS IN THE MAIL

I used to like getting the mail when I was a kid. I was impressed with how much mail mom and dad received.

They sure knew a lot of people, I thought. I received birthday cards, but that was about it.

But my love affair with mail ended years ago after I got married, bought a house and had to pay my own way.

It was then that I discovered the real truth: The Postal Service is there for one reason -- to deliver the bills and get you deeper in debt.

A trip to the mailbox can be expensive. The mailman delivers new bills almost daily. It it weren't for holidays and the occasional blizzard, we'd have no relief at all.

My wife, Joni, and I receive a ton of form letters. They encourage us to sign up for a flood of credit cards or inform us we are late on a bill and we should pay up before our house is surrounded by gun-toting ATF agents and burned to the ground.

Like most Americans, we receive a ton of credit card applications. Every financial firm it seems wants to get us deeper in debt.

If Joni and I had said yes to all those applications, we'd owe more money than Leona Helmsley.

Judging from all the mail, everyone wants us to have VISA Gold.

"Just think -- a gold card with enough credit and immediate cash to pay down your other bills, with spending room to spare," one such credit-card come-on starts out.

A Pleasanton, Calif., company wants to give me a $20,000 line of credit. "Immediate cash and immediate savings," the letter says. Also, immediate debt. But then why not? Even the government can't pay its bills.

You can get credit cards with pictures of your favorite universities and sports teams on them.

The idea here is to appeal to your fan loyalty even as you're drowning in more debt than a municipal stadium.

These credit card companies will stop at nothing to get us to apply.

The other day Joni received a letter advertising the "No Annual Fee Bliss FamilyCard MasterCard."

In addition to merging words, this card has the added benefit of carrying the Bliss name emblazoned on a gold MasterCard.

The letter begins: "Did you know that experts estimate we have more than 6,000 people in the U.S. with the name Bliss?"

Actually, I didn't. "That's a lot of people -- more than enough to make something good happen. That's what the BLISS FAMILY LEAGUE is all about," the letter explains.

The people who write these credit-card letters must get paid extra for capital letters. Whole words and sentences are capitalized to get your attention.

I haven't seen this many capital letters since grade school.

Credit card companies always tell you this is your last chance to get your hands on the plastic. "This may be your last chance to request your own Bliss FamilyCard MasterCard with your family name on it, right where you'd expect to see a bank's name."

It's touching to know they are concerned. But personally, I'd be happy to be named bank president instead.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.