POWER PLAY: KARAOKE IS DEAD AND OTHER OBSERVATIONS

Cape Girardeau night life is, shall we say, adequate.

The variety is not the greatest, but for a town this size it's good enough.

You have your standard college bars, neighborhood pub-type places, pool halls, sports bars, cheesy gimmick chain franchise joints attached to restaurants and other sub-species of Taverns Drunkenius and all have positive and negative qualities.

Variety is important because people look for different things when choosing a bar. Some want a place to have a quiet drink and talk with friends. Others desire somewhere in which to see live bands, and still others just want fertile hunting ground in which to pursue the opposite sex.

Then there are those indiscriminate and easy to satisfy people who only ask for a tavern which doesn't spin too severely after a half-dozen tequila shooters.

On the entertainment aspect of the local bar scene, it can cheerfully be reported that Karaoke in Cape Girardeau appears to be in its death throes.

Just one year ago, a Karaoke night could be found at one of the many fine establishments in town every night of the week with the house almost always packed with happy, drunken and generally off-key crooners. Now it isn't as widespread and a large turnout is the exception rather than the rule.

Yes, it was fun for a while, but the novelty quickly wore off.

As you might suspect, most people can't sing very well. That, of course, is part of the fun. You can stand up and belt out "Margaritaville" and not feel like a jackass because you know few others can do any better. To protect public well-being, however, some people should never, ever attempt to raise their voices in song.

Even the most hideous singers aren't those who tend to be the most annoying, though. That distinction belongs to Serious Karaoke Regulars, a group whose members are convinced they are just a few rungs lower in stature than Placido Domingo. Or at least Garth Brooks.

Their biggest fault is that, since most of them can sing decently, they take it far too seriously. They huddle together over their drinks while they ruthlessly criticize those who are deemed less gifted than they.

Message to these people: You are not professional singers and Karaoke night is not a springboard to "Star Search," SO GET A LIFE!

The biggest scourge of the local bar scene, however, is not Karaoke, it is the cover charge.

Charging to get into a bar isn't necessarily evil, depending on what the patron receives in return. If you are going to provide me with live music performed by a good band, I don't mind forking over a couple bucks. It's simply paying for a service as far as I'm concerned.

But what I can't stand are places that expect you to pay just to enter the building. No entertainment. No free car wash. Nothing.

They're basically saying to patrons, "Come into our establishment, spend your money on drinks and pay for the privilege of being allowed to do so."

That whole concept comes off as rather condescending. It's sort of like paying admission to shop at the supermarket.

The surprising thing is, some places actually get away with it. A sucker born every minute, I suppose.

~Marc Powers is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.