LOCAL ANGLES: DISNEY'S THEME PARK NO MICKEY MOUSE IDEA

Mickey at Manassas. It's enough to make some historians shudder.

Disney, whose cartoon characters end up in kids' meals, wants to construct a $650 million theme park five miles from the Manassas National Battlefield, a major Civil War site in Virginia.

Disney's America would reflect historical themes on about 100 acres of land. Hotels, a campground, public golf course and commercial buildings would be constructed near the theme park.

Critics worry that Disney will create a synthetic America, turning our heritage into one giant cartoon.

A U.S. Senate committee even found time to consider the issue. Most committee members concluded that the federal government should not punish Mickey Mouse and incur the wrath of millions of American children and their parents.

"The U.S. Senate has no business refereeing ... every Mickey Mouse dispute around the country," said Sen. Ben Nighthorse Campbell of Colorado.

Actually, the whole theme park seems like a good idea to my wife Joni, who views empty Civil War battlefields as only a little more exciting than watching grass grow.

The trouble is there are no battles being fought there now. The Civil War occurred more than a century ago, so all that's left is a PBS series, sticks, stones, trees, grass, markers and old photographs of dead soldiers.

Millions of kids can't relate to the Civil War or history in general. Perhaps Mickey Mouse Goofy and Pluto could change that.

It seems to me, however, that if Disney's really interested in improving our citizenship, it should locate the theme park about 35 miles to the east, in the nation's capital.

Transforming the capitol into a theme park would certainly give Americans a new appreciation of the White House and Congress, and all those admission charges could pay off the national debt.

Just think of the possibilities: The House Post Office Roller Coaster, the Washington Monument Water Slide and the "All the President's Men" Spook House.

Instead of endless debate from tired, old politicians in the halls of Congress, Disney could install robots of famous Americans like Ben Franklin and Abe Lincoln, who would recite some of this country's most famous speeches. That's the kind of history lesson from which we could all benefit.

Disney would replace all those unfeeling, unthinking federal bureaucrats, who haven't smiled since birth, with individuals who can smile all day and be nice to the millions of visitors -- including some from Third World nations whose only understanding of the U.S. comes from Mickey Mouse t-shirts.

The president and his family could still live in the White House and serve as official greeters, periodically hosting town hall meetings with the theme park visitors to gauge the feelings of the public.

There would no doubt be some people, such as politicians, who wouldn't like Disney's Washington. But I'm sure most Americans and plenty of foreigners would eagerly visit the site.

Americans have always viewed history as a money maker.

At the Statue of Liberty, the most famous monument in America, you can buy Statue of Liberty pencil erasers and shot glasses.

In a nation of American Flag t-shirts and Bicentennial buttons, history means more if there's an admission charge.

History pays -- and that's no Mickey Mouse idea. Just ask Disney.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.