MARK MY WORD: GETTING SICK ON HOLIDAYS

Holidays are supposed to be like one of those Norman Rockwell paintings: plenty of cheerful, rosy faces around the all-American, food-crammed dinner table.

I envisioned such a scene for Thanksgiving with family in St. Louis last week.

In doing so, I forgot all about Parental Rule No. 1: Children get sick on the holidays, particularly if you are visiting family 100 miles from home.

Two-year-old Becca knows that rule very well.

Joni and I are getting used to celebrating the holidays with our daughter in hospital emergency rooms.

We did it on Mother's Day and again on Thanksgiving.

On Thanksgiving, we were at Joni's mother's house. Around 3 a.m., Becca woke up, crying. She said her right ear hurt.

Since Becca -- even with three sets of tubes -- has had more ear infections than Bill Clinton has had press conferences, we knew we'd have to seek medical care.

So at 3:30 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day, we were seated in the waiting room of a St. Louis hospital where there wasn't even a turkey in sight.

There are several things you can count on in a hospital emergency room. Whether you just lost your right arm or you have an ear infection, a nurse will weigh you and take your temperature.

And a hospital employee will make a copy of your insurance card, after which you can count on monthly bills from the hospital for the next several years because of Line 29 in the insurance clause. This states that the insurance doesn't apply if you are sick, injured or dead.

In our Thanksgiving visit to the hospital, we were ushered into an examining room where a doctor examined our daughter's ears and professionally pronounced what we already knew. Becca had an ear infection, coupled with a sinus infection for good measure.

After being given some illegible prescriptions and a Sleepy Bear doll, we left the hospital and drove to a nearby pharmacy where an employee deciphered the scribblings.

We ended up leaving with a liquid antibiotic and some ear drops that are guaranteed to clear up the problem until the next holiday.

With all this talk in America about preventive health care, maybe parents need to visit the hospital emergency rooms just before the holidays.

Doctors could prescribe the various medicines needed for parents to get their children through the joyous occasion.

This would keep parents and children from having to spend their holidays in hospital emergency rooms.

It would also be less costly than taking an entire hospital emergency room staff and a pharmacist with you to grandma's.

Of course, illness isn't the only thing parents have to contend with on holidays.

There are always those "little accidents."

Becca, who was feeling better by dinner time, managed to spill an entire glass of imitation grape wine on her maternal grandmother's mauve carpet.

For good measure, she managed to knock over a light, breaking a glass lamp shade, at my folks' house the next day.

By the time Saturday rolled around, we figured it was time to go home or break some more furniture.

Becca may be looking forward to Christmas. But I'm not so sure I am.

I keep wondering which hospital emergency room I'll be sitting in when Santa arrives.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.