BY THE WAY: TRADITIONS CHANGE IN SHORT YEAR

With one eye on the year that was and the other on the year that is nearly upon us, I realize that several American traditions are no longer available for safe keeping.

Nothing seems predictable any more. In some ways this is bad; in other ways it could be considered an improvement.

No longer can we count on major league baseball players starting their annual pilgrimage to spring training sites. It could happen, but the way things look right now it may be a completely different game in 1995.

This means that we will never know what Darryl Strawberry or Dwight Gooden are up to until the NFL is about to enter the playoffs. We may never know if Barry Bonds is completely happy.

What will become of the Cardinal Caravan? Perhaps they will continue the tradition with guys like Bob Gibson, Lou Brock and Mike Shannon. Maybe these guys will be the only ones interested in playing major league baseball next year for less than a few hundred million.

When St. Louis builds a new arena, like the Kiel Center, there is no guarantee that it will be filled to the brim until Missouri and Illinois are scheduled to play hoops.

College bowl games, once locked into a Jan. 1 date, take place the next day, and the next day until we're not sure who won the ones in December. If you want to catch a big college game on the tube for free, you learn about phrases like pay-per-view in a hurry.

You can't buy a hockey jersey or baseball cap for a Christmas present and know that it will be appreciated when the holiday arrives. For that matter, the value of season tickets is less predictable than commodities on the stock exchange.

You can no longer count on Illinois teachers honoring the contracts they sign for each school year.

If someone tells you about another Woodstock, you can't be sure that it will be well worth the price of the ticket and trip.

If Kenny G decides to point another gun at the Show Me Center, you can't be sure he won't ask for less than your weekly paycheck to see him. The Pointer Sisters? What's the point?

On the other hand, perhaps we will have an opportunity to learn more about talented local bands like Papa Aborigine.

A postage stamp used to be cheaper than the stationary and envelopes it transported. No more.

If you wanted to place a bet, it used to be that you found a bookie and asked for the point spread, the over-under number and how much the juice or grease was. Speaking of The Juice, what will become of him in 1995?

Instead of bookies, you simply hop in the car and go to your local casino to play games you win or lose in person.

If you wanted to buy a Christmas tree, you used to be able to make simple choices. I'll take that fat one, or that tall and skinny one, you were wont to say on crisp winter afternoons. Now you can get the same thing they put in the White House. Or you can order something from Nova Scotia or Norway for the price of a Kenny G ticket.

It used to be that you would never hear about the president being roused from his sleep by a round or two of gun fire until he was observing something like Desert Storm. Now it seems to happen at least once a month on Pennsylvania Avenue.

It used to be that you could order a pizza over the phone and give your address to the friendly voice at the other end. Now the friendly voice tells you your address, height, weight and more about yourself than you want that person to know.

Ah, progress.

Bill Heitland is a member of the Southeast Missourian news staff.