LEND ME YOUR EAR: NEW WORDS TO "MISERIZE OUTTA HERE"

Efforts to add to our language range from admirable to acceptable to godawful. According to an article in the Florida-Times Union (thank you, Esther), no one gets fired any more. Employees are "de-hired", or they are victims of "de-staffing". Some companies are satisfied just to dump the dead wood. Others make conditions so miserable for an unsatisfactory employee, they "miserize her outta here."

Nothing like another ize word to add to our collection. An NBC staffer recently stated that the TV world has become "Turnerized". Donald Trump has been "de-Trumpetized" by ill-wishers, but he continues to blow his own horn probably because he feels bad publicity is better than none.

Jean Bell Mosley, in one of her more sardonic moods, vowed that the severe heat plaguing everyone exacerbated her aches and pains, and she wondered about extending the verb to "exacerbatizing", to add weight to her condition. Together we de-exacerbatized the idea in favor of praying for snowflakes. This gives me more to look forward to.

On a recent Sunday Morning, Bill Geist presented a feature about a Camp Gone to the Dogs a camp for grieving dogs and their owners, with a cemetery where they can commune with their "bereavees". We trust that the guest speaker was also simply having fun with the word, but please, Mr. Geist, do not work so hard to please your pleasees.

Sonya Friedman, on her daily talk show, introduced two writers whose books present opposite views about how to care for the elderly. During their debate, one said to the other, "I'm going to take humbrance with you." Humbrance? The lady meant she disagreed and was offended and about to state her case, but the word she wanted was "Umbrage". Misspellings and mispronun-ciations have added a multitude of words to our language, but let us implore dictionary makers not to turn "umbrage" into humbrance. Miserize humbrance outta there!

Intentional misspellings, however, often tickle our funnybone. One such graced a headline in the Philadelphia Inquirer some weeks ago. (Thank you, Anita.) The headline read: "Bank robber strikes again, or was it some psickiatrist?" Guest psychiatrists on talk shows give such screwball advice to their clients these days, some of them have to be psick. And though no lexicographer could be psick enough to record "psickiatrist" for posterity, the spelling is funny as well as punny.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch publishes a syndicated word game National Challenge which my favorite anonymous contributor shares with me off and on. One recent number dealt with "charactonyms", an excellent coinage with limited meaning, for terms modeled after well-known persons. One example, offered for Ethel Merman, was Sue Perlungs. I think I heard a groan over this one, but some of us think it's fun to pun.

Another challenge that should interest anyone who enjoys food required contestants to make up words incorporating the name of any food. Top billing went to two entries: Hersheybarrage gunfire from chocolate soldiers, and Mascarrot eye makeup that improves your sight. Honorable Mentions were legion, but perhaps three are permissible in the space we have: Despotato a tyrannical vegetarian; Ewecantaloupe an order to get married at home, and Mal-o-mar what you get from eating chocolate marshmallows during a storm at sea.

However these prize-winners strike anti-pun persons, they indicate that creativity is not dead. None is likely to achieve dictionary status, but don't be surprised to learn that the publishers of National Challenge are preparing a collection of them.

Requests to make a book of these columns should tell me that 444 are quite enough, but at this writing I'm cutting my output down only by half, and it has nothing to do with turning them into a book. Lend Me Your Ear has had no vacation from me since early 1983, and we both feel we've earned a little time out. James Kilpatrick has sent his good wishes, with a hope that we will get "the old spizzerinctum" back soon.

Anyone out there baffled by "spizzerinctum"? Maybe you spell it "spizzerinktum", or "spizzerrinctum". No problem it's the same word. And probably everyone in our age bracket could use more of it. The word means vim, vigor, vitality, or just more get-up-and-go. But do not get up and go for long. We expect to return every other week.