Cousins

These last three or four weeks have sure been different. Several weeks ago a cousin of mine, Arlene, passed away. She would have been my dad's sister's child; so, for me, a first cousin. And then a week ago, we had two first cousins come clear down to Scott City to visit. I had seen them probably once in my lifetime and that was clear back when I was maybe 5 or 6 or so. Enough years back that I sure don't remember them with firsthand knowledge. I'd have known them just by seeing them though. So much resemblance to some of my other cousins. Part of us not seeing them was my fault. We left the Sandhills in Nebraska to attend college so we weren't there for the family reunions and such. Be darned if a couple days later, another first cousin, Helen, passed away. Both had lived good, fairly long lives into their 80s.

What struck me was the way life works. Nothing in particular, but just the way life is. My dad's brothers and sisters were all born in the first couple decades of the 1900s, so from about 1900 to 1920. Mom's was a little later, so from about 1910 to 1925 or so. All of them married and had kids with a couple exceptions. Dad had a bunch of brothers and sisters with Mom having about half as many. Between the two families, they had a bunch of kids who were in turn my first cousins. With the old generation being born in the 1900 to 1925 time frame, they started having kids from about 1930 to 1950 or so. My brother and I were kind of a second family. I came along, I believe, 12 years later than my one sister and 16 years later than my other sister.

I don't have a clue as to how many first cousins I either had or still have. It was and is a good bunch. Some were outlaws, which is normal for families back around the turn of the 1900s. If you weren't tough back then, you probably eren't going to make it. I'd have to say they were all good American citizens. Most were a little rough around the edges. I can't think of a one that was a true suit and tie kind of person. There were bikers, cowboys and cowgirls, homemakers, ranchers, mechanics, farmers, good cooks and on and on. Good down to home good people who weren't afraid of work.

Through the years we've lost my parents' generation. My mom and dad and all of their brothers and sisters are gone. Some of them I knew pretty well, but some were just acquaintances. Some I had never met. It was tough losing the old generation. Many of them could remember World War I. All of them remembered the day when it was travel by horse and buggy. Then along came the first cars, and how life changed! It hurt losing them but they were old. When you think back to people being born from about 1900 to 1925, they were ancient. Back in the 1950s when I was little, anyone over 40 or 50 years old was over the hill. It hurt when we lost Mom and Dad, Aunt Katie and Uncle Buster, Uncle Raymond and Wanda, and the list goes on and on. We loved being with them and hated to see them pass away.

But my first cousins were close to my age. They were born from about 1930 to 1950 or so, which made them about my age. There were a very few who passed away from an accident or such, but not many. Some passed away from sickness, but not many. So for what seems like 70 years or so not many of my age group or my first cousins have died. Slowly my cousins have been getting older and older. We have as a group entered those Golden Years that I've heard so much about.

When I think of Marge's and my family and add in the cousins, their ages are definitely surprising and almost shocking to me. Their ages are 86, 71, 69, 83, 79, 85, 83, 73, and the list goes on. Hard to believe we have all gotten old together. Shocking, I would tend to say. The average life expectancy in the U.S. for women is 81, and for men it's 77. When I compare the age of my cousins and family, we are all right there amongst the numbers. My two first cousins who passed away this past month were both mid-80s.

Part of my problem was getting busy with COVID-19 and our own problems and simply being too busy chasing the good life or a better life. We can get so busy that life simply goes on without us. COVID has caused us to isolate ourselves pretty much from society and crowds and close contact. The years have kind of slipped by, and we have all gotten older while not realizing we have. Marge and I try to recall how many years it's been since such and such happened, and it's almost twice as long as we first thought. I simply wasn't aware that another 10 years a good percent of my first cousins will have passed away. If we stretch this out to 15 years, virtually all my first cousins will be gone. What history or knowledge about your lineage or your personal history will be gone? Tidbits about loved ones will be gone. If it's not written down or recorded, it will die with our kinfolk.

Pictures from our past are virtually worthless, if we don't let others know who's in the picture and what's going on and when was it taken. Marge has bunches of pictures of her Mom's that time and dementia have made almost worthless. Write on the back or attach a note. If you got your tail feathers ruffled at some time, then let it go and let by-gones be by-gones. I was going to say kiss and make up, but maybe shake hands and make up. Maybe do a cousins reunion or, if everyone can't make it, then do some regional ones. Connect on Facebook or by email or maybe even use your phone and call.

One year we went back to Nebraska to visit and ended up on the beach at Lake McConahey. We were all standing around visiting so I decided to build a fire and make a pot of coffee. The coffee pot was an old percolator, so I simply sat it over the fire and in a few minutes it was perking away with the smell of coffee everywhere. It may have been the best coffee I ever drank. Memories are made to share.