Crushing the dreams of others

I overheard a conversation, recently, that made my heart sink. As I sat next to an elderly couple, on the bus road-trip, the words of the wife, caused me to feel dry and shriveled, inside. Although the woman may have thought she was helping her husband adjust to life, as he grew older, the words had the opposite effect.

As Joan's husband, John, was happily talking about his future plans, she seemed to dash them, as fast as he presented them. John was talking about their building a new house and what he wanted inside. He then enlarged upon a fishing trip, he wanted to take, a trip abroad for the two of them, and he went on. Joan, thinking she was being helpful, said, "Now, John, you have to realize that you're getting older. You can't do the things you used to do," and she continued to verbalize why he shouldn't take that fishing trip, or build a house, either. He was too old, she said. Even though he couldn't do those things, anymore, Joan stated, she encouraged him by saying, "but you can do other things, now -- things more fitting to your age."

Surprisingly, John came back with a response I didn't expect. "Well, I can dream, can't I? As long as I can look forward to things, I'll live longer and I'll be happier." He was right. Joan, as I did, became surprised upon hearing these words of wisdom. He was exactly correct. We all need to keep on dreaming as long as we live, dream of future goals -- those that make us happy. Joan realized she had the wrong perspective on having dreams, and she was ashamed that she had squashed his. I learned from the experience of their conversation, as well as Joan.

Even though, we often think we are helping others, especially the elderly, ill, or handicapped, we aren't necessarily accomplishing that goal. Instead, we are lowering their expectations of what lies in their future. What we accomplish in life and the thoughts we think, are what propels us forward to live, and contributes to our happiness.

My dad, Charlie, as I've revealed in former columns, had a debilitating stroke that limited his daily activity, immeasurably. Nevertheless, he missed few, if any of the family activities. Charlie was an avid St. Louis Cardinal fan, but he had never seen a real game, in person. To achieve that ambition was the ultimate to him, so as a family, we made all the arrangements and accompanied him to, at least, two Cardinal games. He never used his age or physical condition to keep him from looking ahead at what he was going to do. The family tried to make as much happen for him, as was possible. Dad also wanted to visit his sister in California. Even though his stroke had maimed his body, he and mom rode out on a train, by themselves, to visit aunt Lelia. While they were visiting, his nephews took him to Disneyland where he toured aboard a wheel chair, all around the theme park. It was a dream coming true, they never forgot.

Having a dream, or dreams, is a very important step in our physical and mental health. To have a reason, for which we want to get out of bed each morning, is crucial to our well-being. It motivates us, and inspires us to keep on going -- that there is truly, "a pot of goal at the end of our rainbow." We just must keep on trying, wishing for, and dreaming. Without dreams, we would go nowhere -- regardless, of our age or psychical condition. Let's remember this, particularly, when we get ready to tell someone, "you can't do it, it'll never happen," or, "you're too old, young, disabled or ill." Prove those people wrong that have said to you, "That's impossible." Just let it add fuel to your fire.

Christian Scripture speaks often of goal setting and gives us encouragement to dream. "For I know the plans I have for you, 'declares the Lord, 'plans to give you hope and a future[es1] ." Jeremiah 29:11 is one of the most often-quoted verses in the Bible.