Death hurts us all

Probably a month ago or so I was looking at posts on Facebook and came across a couple posts concerning Laura Lee, who was a missionary we knew out in Arizona. Laura had never married, so her family was a dog and two cats. She just loved her babies. She was from Ohio, I believe, and had attended college at Asbury College in Wilmore, Kentucky, where I had attended seminary. The posts on Facebook said that she had been in a car accident and had been killed. When I first read this I couldn't believe it. She was in her 50s and full of life and having a blast teaching native Indians in Arizona. Total bummer. Shocked!

So when I hurt or question or just ask why, I normally write. But I'm writing not to elicit sympathy for Marge and I but instead to bring out how we can help those who have lost a loved one or who suffered a great loss like death or divorce or whatever. The thing is all of us no matter who we are will suffer loss at some point in time. All of us.

With Laura Lee, I questioned why? Those kids and teens back in Arizona have got to be hurting big time. We've been praying for them. But Marge and I are hurting and even, just a little, questioning God as to why. I don't doubt even a frickle that God couldn't have prevented this accident or kept Laura Lee safe. But in the end I have to trust God. Even with a little reservation I trust God.

Now what? Now where? How? Just questions. One thing I know is for healing to take place there has to be dialogue. There has to be talk about a loss like Laura Lee, so there has to be ears willing to listen and mouths taped shut with Gorilla tape. Ears to hear and hearts to understand the hurt and the loss. Spirits sensitive enough to feel the hurt and the pain. And then if needed a shoulder to cry on or even someone to cry with the hurting.

I don't have a clue how many lives have been lost as a result of COVID-19. Not even a clue. Many young people and quite a few up in years. Almost no way to grieve for the loss with the epidemic going on. Also it seems like there has been a number of accidents that have taken the lives of both young and old. Hardly a week goes by when you read about a teenager or 20-something or even 30-something dying, and one questions whether it might be suicide. But for everyone who has died they left behind loved ones who are hurting.

If your friend or someone you know has lost a loved one for any reason, then mention you are praying for them and offer to listen if they need to share. Just offer. Sometimes the hurting want to talk and share, and then sometimes we need space. It's crazy but when we had to put Dutchess our old dog to sleep, we never told anyone for months. We had to grieve. I still grieve for her. The worst thing we can do is to just ignore someone's pain and loss because we don't know what to do. The second worst thing we can do is offer some lame reason like "God needed them" or whatever. Offer to pray and offer to listen and leave it there.

Sometimes it helps to write God a letter telling Him of your hurt and maybe even anger at the loss of a loved one. Make the letter personal and then when you get it written destroy it. I like to take the letter and wad it up in a ball, drop it on a fire and symbolically give it to God. Talk to a friend, a close friend. Talk to a counselor or psychologist. Nothing wrong with getting help. Talk to a pastor or priest.