The Lords of Acid rule over Mississippi Nights: by Jaysen Buterin

Arachibutyrophobia: the fear of having peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth.

8.2 billion dollars: the amount of money the U.S. Government has thus far spent on pickle research.

Lords of Acid: the absolute loudest and most sexually charged concert I have ever attended.

If you've never heard of the Lords of Acid, or more importantly, never heard their music -- this review might not do so much for you. However if you're familiar with the Lords, you know exactly what kind of experience hearing their music is, let alone seeing them live can be. Let me try and educate those unaware of this musical sensoury experience. The Lords of Acid write songs about sex. In fact, I think all their songs are about sex. There may be a couple of numbers that are about drugs, but if there are, they're about having sex on drugs. I apologise if I've offended anyone -- I didn't write the songs, I just danced to them.

Lords of Acid (and opening acts Praga Khan and Genasidell -- basically all the same people, same band) have been around in the techno community for some time. They enjoyed fame in Europe before gaining international attention with their 1990 release, "Lust," which featured a track later included on the "Sliver" soundtrack, "The Most Wonderful Girl" (trust me, you'd know it if you heard it). Since then Lords of Acid have gained increased public and media attention, a veritable unstoppable reputation in the techno world, and an almost literal army of fans. But I digress, back to the show review.....

It's rather hard to describe a Lords of Acid show, (it's also hard to figure out what my editors' will let me get away with that will allow me to do any justice to the show, but I shall try). Imagine if you will, an entire sea of black vinyl or leather, interrupted by the occasional blood red sequined outfit and complimented by the exhibition and revelation of a lot of skin - and these were just the people standing in line. (I almost felt overdressed, but luckily the tattoos and the nose ring saved me). After a brief time in the club, the show started. A dj had been spinning as a kind of precursor to what awaited us. I tasted a hint of what was to come when the first thumps of the bass not only rattled every bone in my body, but also my bottle of Newcastle that was sitting on the table. To be honest I couldn't even tell you the song order because at a Lords of Acid show the music literally commands you to dance -- even if you don't know how to, the bass shakes you so that you don't have much choice.

The Lords glided in their sexually frenzied way through songs like "Lover", "Rubber Doll," "Fingerlickin' Good," "You Belong to Me" and the encore, crowd pleasing "Spank My Booty." I must reiterate myself when I say that I cannot really do a show like this justice, not without getting necessarily obscene, so I shall try a g-rated version. Between the throbbing and resonating sounds of the music, the stage show is kind of like a late-night Cinemax "adult" movie in the form of a musical. Several women were brought up on stage and spanked with paddles for the encore number...yep, you guessed it, "Spank My Booty." I think one girl was even handcuffed. During a song, whose title I shall paraphrase as "Kitty Kat," several women were brought up on stage (two of them in only their lingerie) to provide visual accompaniment for what you can imagine to be a riveting song. Now it may sound like they were demeaning women only -- not so superfriends. The female lead vocalist was often the one bringing them onstage, or herself ensconced within the tangle of bodies. The men did not escape unscathed either - pretty much if you were onstage (or even in the audience) you were: pushed, shoved, pulled, bitten, kissed, slapped or any other of a gallery of refinements.

Of course no techno show would be complete without a couple hundred people crammed into a dance floor moving, gyrating, and undulating with an almost instinctive and frenzied pace syncopated by the musical stylings of the electronic Lords of Acid. And if you don't mind rhythmically timed waves of people trying to push through you, the random body surfer, and even more spartan stage diver careening over your head, it's a great place to be. It's even a good place to make friends (Maya, Becki, Andy & Kevin). Even after three hours of techno-driven, bone rattling music (I actually saw the lights dim a couple of times), the Lords of Acid left you wanting more. So the people flooded out of Mississippi Nights, steam literally rising off some individuals, in a sea of vinyl, perspiration and near-exhaustion, and would've gladly gone right back in again. I know I would have. While some may dismiss this as nothing more than a mindless pagan gathering that can only lead to degradation and all things naughty, it's just your typical Lords of Acid show with sexually saturated & charged lyrics, on stage exhibitionism and a calvacade of spartanly clothed souls -- and I didn't even make it to the after-show party!