STRANGER THAN FICTION: PARTY BRINGS BACK MEMORIES OF TEEN YEARS PAST

Madonna would be proud to know that, of 10 women at our Eighties party, four came as her.

I spent my formative years in the 1980s.

It was the era of big hair, turned-up collars, Ronald Reagan and the Brat Pack. It seems only yesterday we were pulling on our leg warmers and ripped-up sweatshirts and doing the "Maniac," that dance where you stomped your feet back and forth really fast while holding your arms by your sides. Nobody but Jennifer Beals could do it for more than 10 seconds without having a stroke.

Can you believe people are throwing '80s parties now? Why not just walk up to me and scream, "YOU'RE GETTING OLD, HEIDI." I guess it only makes sense, though. We were throwing '70s parties in the '80s -- combing thrift stores for bell-bottoms and tube tops. Now those things can be found at any major discount department store. Yes, teens are wearing the 1970s outfits we mocked as we sported our polo shirts and slouch socks.

Of course, when Linda called to invite me to HER '80s party, an outfit immediately sprung to mind. Olivia Newton John in her "Physical" get-up and the headband fad that followed totally symbolizes the decade to me. What's not to love about too much pink-and-purple eye shadow, a different earring in each ear and a bright-pink headband cutting off the circulation to your brain?

Of course, other party guests saw the '80s differently. The total count at the party: One Olivia Newton John; four Madonnas -- two black leather, two like a virgin; one "Turning Japanese" -- the girl fixed half of her hair in chopsticks, painted half of her face as a Geisha, etc.; one Flava Flav; one Tom Cruise in "Risky Business;" two Tom Sellecks; one drugged-out Liza Minelli, who carried a plastic bag of confectioner's sugar as a prop; one New Kid on the Block; one Richard Simmons; one Church Lady; a bunch of unidentifiable '80s prom girls and a bunch of lame people who didn't even bother to dress up.

But it was a great time to reflect on our youth and think back on the styles we'd forgotten. See if you remember these:

1. Wearing two polo shirts of different colors, each with the collar turned up. This was not only colorful, but also proved you were rich enough to own more than one polo.

2. Girls only: Covering your shoelaces with "friendship pins" obtained from other girls at school. These were safety pins filled with beads. If you just had one or two friendship pins, you didn't even bother to wear them. Anything less than four or five was shameful.

3. Sikeston Junior High only: Wearing lapel pins with various MTV logos. When the cable system started carrying MTV, they promoted it by mailing out those pins. Some were pink and blue, others had zebra stripes, others were black and green, etc. The goal was to wear at least the one sent to your home, but the most popular people wore ones obtained from friends, relatives and neighbors.

4. Every day, sporting a different pair of leg warmers -- one of the few '80s fashions that were actually functional, at least in winter.

5. Thinking up various combinations of Twist-a-Beads. You could buy the strands for about a buck a piece, then twist five or six or seven of them together and clasp them around your neck. Again, two beads twisted together were just sorry. It was best to look like you had some really thick, colorful cable around your neck.

6. Decorating your hair with those barrettes with slender, multi-color ribbons and beads hanging off the end. It was "Xanaduistic."

7. Wearing colorful, plastic, see-through shoes. Mom always bought us the off brand for $3 each, but nobody could tell. You know those babies are sitting in a landfill right now, nowhere near decomposition.

8. Owning lots of neon, neon, neon.

9. Sporting white T-shirts with meaningless messages in black print, like "Boy" or "Choose Life" or "Frankie Say Relax."

10. Listening to music that made you want to do that bizarre white-folks dance where you bring your bent arms up and down to the music, smile widely and fling your head around. Just watch any kind of prom scene from a 1980s teen movie and you'll see it.

If you recognized at least five of these things, congratulations!!! I guess flinging your head around didn't inflict any permanent brain damage.