“Oh, my,” we often say to ourselves, “If only my life was less stressful, I’d feel less like a balloon, about to burst,” and we continue on, feeling swamped, yet failing to recognize that we are frequently the catalysts that perpetuate the worries, dreads and fears in our lives. We are the ones that decide to accept invitations, perform unnecessary jobs, make the choices to have children, to buy a house and make other decisions before we think about it.

We sign up for volunteer positions, agree to join clubs, and commit to unnecessary obligations before we take inventory of our current lifestyle. We do this, often, simply because we feel the need for camaraderie, the world tells us that we need to participate in activities of which we have no or little interests-- and the lists go on and on. We find ourselves overwhelmed and weighted down with responsibilities and commitments that are beyond our capabilities or desires — but wait! Is stress and pressure always a bad thing? I don’t think so. Without a degree of pressure, nervousness and stress, we would not know where our gifts lie, or what’s inside us. We would lose out on knowing what God has instilled within us and of what we are capable. We need the kind of pressure that we have to accept so that we can reach normal goals. Some of my most stressful moments have been when I needed to take academic tests in school, and when someone that I’ve loved was dangerously ill, or passed. Often my moments of pressure were simply attending a social gathering where I felt ill at ease and/or when I was about to present a talk. All those were occasions where I felt stressed. When we’re forced to accept the death of loved ones, the changes in our lives brought on by their absence, are sometimes unavoidable. We can’t always change them.

Author, Joan Chittister writes in her book, Scarred by struggle, Transformed by Hope that; “the essence of struggle or pressure is neither endurance nor denial. The essence of struggle is the decision to become new rather than simply to become older. It is the opportunity to grow either smaller or larger in the process. There is then, a gift hidden in the travails of forced change. It is the gift of beginning again.”

Trey was born with an embarrassing disability. He limped on one leg. It wasn’t an extremely noticeable imbalance, but, beginning with grade school, he became self-conscious. Children can be cruel and the name-calling followed him, even into young adulthood. Although Trey didn’t experience taunting later on, the memories from his earlier years scarred him. Rather than feed into Trey’s his image of inferiority, his dad constantly assured him that he wasn’t crippled, that Trey was exceptional, and he would lay out the reasons why he was special. Dad refused to feed into the boy’s negative thoughts and feelings of being different? “Why can’t I be like other people,” Trey would ask his parents. Due to the encouragement and assurance of his normality by his parents, Trey attended school in spite of how miserable his days were, at school. Pressure squeezed him from every angle of his body. To shorten his story--regardless of how much stress and struggle, he endured, Trey graduated and eventually became an orthopedic surgeon. He treated his patients, both, physically and mentally, assuring them of their possibilities. Consequently, he was finally able to thank God for allowing him the opportunity to have an uneven leg. Trey remembered how difficult and stressful his life had been, and he felt fortunate to be able to show people how perseverance, acceptance, and the experience of hardship, had equipped him for life. All the pressure and stress had made him the man he was today. Without having encountered what he had been through, Trey would not have possessed the stamina and grit necessary to attain the success that, finally, became his own. He was, eventually, able to “Bless those who persecuted him and to bless, and not curse them” (Matthew 5:10-12).

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction. She is the author of the book, “Wisdom for the Journey.”